Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
wow i'm freaking out. my previous (unorganized) employer is really making my COBRA situation more and more concerning. I went online to HealthNet today which is the same coverage for COBRA as it was before, and it said I was no longer eligible. ??????? I mean first they send me a form that I filled out and was told, in bold print, to write my checks to [previous employer's name]. So I write my check and mail it to them. I emailed the office manager and asked her who I should be sending it attention to and she said [accounts receivable/payable person]. I get an email back from that person and she said no, I should be sending them to Infinisource, the company that manages COBRA. I was also told not to worry, that I would be covered under the regular plan at no charge for the month of July. I filled out and signed all the appropriate paperwork in a very timely manner and mailed it back to them electing the COBRA coverage for 18 months. There is absolutely NO reason for my medical coverage to have lapsed. I have a doctor's appointment 2-3 times per week, I can't have it lapse EVER. I just received the paperwork from Infinisource Friday so there's no way I could have gotten it to them earlier. I'm mailing it out tomorrow with a check and it even says I don't have to pay now, that I have 45 days. Wow I'm freaking out. I'm pissed. I need to call HealthNet about getting my claims submitted from June 1 because their form is ridiculous and I'm afraid they'll say I'm sorry we can't help you because you don't have any coverage. I went shopping today and found three shirts, two pants and cropped pants (totaly cute) at gap. There were other things that I liked but these things were already put on credit card with a 35% off discount and they came out to $185 so I went home without the others. I told my dad if I had money I would have bought every color the store had and when it was all said and done, he and I ended up back out there buying three more shirts and another pair of pants. He then wanted to buy me a Façonnable woven shirt which are about $145 each. They were really nice but the extra small was too big on me. If only my lower half had that problem. I still can't wear smaller than a 2 pant. 0 on top, 2 on the bottom. I HATE SKINNY PEOPLE! I want to lose 20 lbs in all the right places of course. No one will let me! My body won't let me. There's still nothing more that I want at any given moment.
Caffeine is interesting. When I've had too much with too little food i feel so run down that it's hard to stay standing, to lift my arm, to hold my head up. My pulse seems to have dropped, I'm having a hard time finding it. I'm trying to cook food so this will go away and I'm exhausted, it's difficult to make it. I went out and bought food but I wanted chips, something I could eat quickly but I had a stomach ache by then and nothing looked edible. I ended up buying blueberry muffins but ick, they made me want to throw up the nothing I have in my stomach. Besides, they'd take an hour to prepare & cook. I'm at home and I'm guzzling water and waiting for my rice to cook which takes a half hour. I still have to stand at the stove and stir but it's all I have that felt edible. I have other rice that probably cooks quicker but again, it didn't seem edible. I need to design some flyers for my business. Something I can send out when I finally get my business license. It should be between one and three weeks from now and I'd like to be prepared to hit the ground running when I get it. I really need to find a way to make money. Something that doesn't require a 9-5 job. I'm great at working hard when it's something I'm creating, something I'm doing because I'm enjoying it or because I created it. I can't work in my room though, i'm having a hard time functioning in there; however, my mother is everywhere else, all the time. I also have to work on my laptop which of course is running Windows Vista Beta which sucks. Every new version of windows is less user friendly. Of course if you know nothing about computers, you wouldn't know that. There's some cool new features but other things have become hugely difficult to accomplish. Anyway, once I save enough, or find out how to make enough, I'm going to buy a new sony vaio so that I can work anywhere. This laptop has to be plugged in. The batteries are dead.
zero is a wonderful number. I have to exchange my new size 2 dress pants for zeros, though I'm expecting Banana Republic runs large because it just doesn't seem that I could be even close to a zero. I just...never in my life. I want to cut, I want to do everything possible to lose weight. As much weight as possible. It's never enough, my legs are disgusting. Everything is disgusting, my face is too round. My television doesn't work. The cable's fine in every room but mine. I'm stuck watching movies, Thirteen is on now. I have to be up in the morning. It's my fether's day gift to my dad that I would pay for Superman Returns (plus food & drink). I'm the only one here who works Monday. There's a huge party here Tuesday, I'm not sure how I'm going to manage that one. I can't watch Evan Rachel Wood, she makes me want to be thinner. She's good though. I want to take some sleeping pills and cut, I don't know what to do. I have to be up in the morning. Anyway...
So my "job" interview was rescheduled. She has some place to be and she's afraid she won't be able to interview me properly and get there on time. She's thinking next week maybe Wednesday but she'll call me I guess when she has a better idea. Unfortunately, the people who interview, the important people, are always WAY too busy to do the interviewing. I have a bad feeling working with my mother will be really awful. Luckly my sister will be there to level the playing field. I hope. My mother sits behind a wall and isn't there a lot so...we'll see. Six more working days at my current job. I've gotten really positive comments from most everyone who isn't an owner or the supervisor I have or have had. Those who "need me" aren't exactly wishing me well. Another reason to leave.
I had Angelina Jolie (sp?) Inside the Actors Studio on, it's really hard watching people say things you feel but can't put into words. I want to cut and it's been so long since I've wanted to do that. Fortunately I know it will just make me feel worse, I only feel good about it when it's so awful that it takes two years to heal (scar), when I'm in the hospital for it, when there's someone new who finds out because it, shock and awe. My right arm is burning, I don't know why. I mean really buring. Work...it's so uncomfortable, everyone found out I was leaving today, everyone that is who was still there after 3pm. There will be more people who find out tomorrow, and more next week. There are a lot of people on vacation. My supervisor still hasn't said a word to me about it. My x-supervisor was pretty cold, she called me for a favor and I guess since I won't be around to cover her ass, there isn't much for her to be happy about. She should be happy I'm leaving. One of the owners was pretty short about it and the other was very professional as usual. The new office manager's been great but I'm leaving so it doesn't matter. There are a few people I'll really miss, and a few I wish I could take with me, keep them in a little box in my drawer to pull out whenever I needed. All I see is fat in the mirror, it's all I feel. I purchased size 2 pants online and they're huge on me. I've never been this small in my life. I'm afraid to get a size 0 because it just seems impossible that I'll ever fit in them. I still see a size 12. People keep touching me. "Oh we're going to miss you!" and an arm across my shouilders. I want to shower but I don't want my mother suspecting, wondering. She thinks she's worthy of knowing the first thing about me. It's all accidental, everything. I was completely in control until a shirt sleeve slipped, a book was discovered, a hospitalization. There's no emotion, there never has been. Control's taken and I can't handle anything. That's what always goes wrong. Someone always gets in my way.
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