Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
I'm sad. I have to leave school. Not because of any of the normal reasons--financial, family crisis, i don't know--it's because I hit the wall as my therapist calls it. I can't climb walls. Never could. So now I'm leaving school and my damn mother says it's a good idea and now I'm pissed off. My therapist made me promise that I'd call her if I was going to cut. I'm going to cut because I have to see the second opinion again tomorrow. I hate my life. Well, I guess I'll be calling my therapist tomorrow afternoon.
Some advise just a moment
From me to each poet,
That a blank piece of paper means nothing to me.
Get it dirty or wrinkled or at least get a pen
And draw a bunch of green little men
And soon you may find
In the shortest of time
That the little green men
Have picked up the pen
And written a poem for you
All just because you doodled with care
On the blank piece of paper sitting there
Waiting in wonder for your mind to run free
And let it be what it wanted to be
I wish I didn't exist. Disney hasn't called me, my windshield just continues to be cracked, I'm still hiding in my room. I wanted to do my taxes tonight (or start them) but I've been paying bills and balancing my checkbook for the last 2 1/2 hours. I could hardly keep my eyes open on the drive home, it was really awful. I better get myself to bed.
So I called Disney and asked for the woman I sent my resume to, but I got her voicemail. I left what seemed to me a really cheery voicemail, said I just wanted to touch base with her about my resume and any openings she might have. I said I hope to speak to her this week sometime (no pressure or anything...PLEASE CALL ME!) and then came back into shitty reality. She didn't call me to day, but she hasn't said they don't have anything for me so I'm not giving up just yet. Then when I got in my car this evening to go home, the windshield was cracked AGAIN! but on the passenger side. It wasn't there when I got to work or when I wiped down my car yesterday, that's $380 I won't be able to use to pay off my car. Training this girl at work is really awful, she isn't at all motivated. Then I got these jobs from her today that were all done wrong even though I had gone over them with her and told her to bill AT COST which is so easy. Just bill the client what the agency is billing us. Simple! I've been stuck in my room since I got home 2 1/2 hours ago because my mother just keeps EXISTING.
I am in hell. I have died and gone to hell that is my only explanation. Whoever I pissed off in a past life, this is my punishment. I don't belive in all that hocus pocus but it sounds good. I have to call this lady at Disney tomorrow and beg her for a job. We were joking that it would be pretty funny if I sent my resume with the email subject line "Will work for food." I'm almost to that point though. It's like the twilight zone at work. It's like what in the HELL just happened here? The woman who's taken over as office manager has become obsessive, out of control, she treats me like a criminal and I've done nothing but work my ass off, I hardly step away from my desk all day. I have been absolutely unbelievably unhappy and this evening I walked in the door from my weekly (for...two years?) food run for work (zone bars & drinks) and my mother, in her tone where if I SPEAK she's going to scream, tells me that I should have left a note. "Okay..." She insists that they ALWAYS leave a note, which I then confirmed with my father that they do NOT always leave a note, she told me we've never talked about why I don't talk to her (lets see, she makes me feel worse, i hate her, she yells at me, all these things I've said to her face and somehow all she remembers is that I said my dad moved to santa barbara...?!) she denied it again and again and then called me CHICKEN, "You're JUST CHICKEN!" This is my life, this is my mother. I've never wanted to bring my father into our squables but I had to tonight. He had the proof I needed. I forgot to tell him that last part though. My sister's going to hear my mother's side of it tomorrow. Ever since they started working together, I've lost interest in being my sister's friend. She's my sister, but she's also my mother's daughter and she doesn't fight the battle with me anymore. I don't think she's wholely against me but she's not always with me like she used to. We used to sit in her room and talk about how mad my mother would get. Now I just sit with it, I often times call my therapist especially because she's met my mother. I'm already in hell, why did she have to do this to me now. She doesn't like it when I'm angry with her but how do YOU think this week will be at my house? Fun? Probably not.
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