Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
rage is mine it eats me whole
of anger i am truly full
hate i feel all through the day
wishing for another way
to slice my flesh with drama free
but this a thing i cannot see
for sorrow near i look with haste
my life i see as a momentous waste
i look for ways to end my pain
my thoughts are sometimes very plain
for life i fear with much regret
betrayal i cannot forget
sadness sometimes takes it's toll
of nothing am i in control
my life is falling fast and free
the end i am beginning to see.
One month ago I swore to myself that I would never cut again. That promise was useless to me. Well, I just got off the phone with Michelle and we only talked for a half an hour because she was flying to Georgia tonight. She said "you talk on the phone really well, bull shit. I was ecstatic to be talking to her and have my parents and sister out of the room. I only feel worse though. I should feel better but nothing came out of it. She kept asking me questions about things I didn't have answers for. Honest to god. She was probably at home packing when I called. I am in hell and I couldn't tell her.
crowds and darkness float around
by family ties i am bound
to this world of faces galore
i will fear their watching eyes forevermore.
they swim around like greedy fish
searching for everything they wish
they wish for laughter, amusement, fun
their eyes focus on me as one
i cower in darkness and a feeling of guilt
behind this wall of terror i have built
i look inside myself for help
but losing cards i have been dealt
this pain is all inside of me
i know not where i'm supposed to be
i am a child lost in a large crowd
sheltered under a burial shroud
beside a graveside i stand
my family gathered hand in hand
then this i see--a name on the stone
the name is mine and mine alone
reality strikes that i am dead
they must have really fucked with my head.
We flew first class on a 737. It was a five hour flight. My sister was pissing me off the whole time. I sat in the isle, my sister to my right and my father and mother to the left across the isle in that order. Breakfast sucked so I only ate the fruit appetizer. We watched some movie about illegal stock brokers. It was okay. When we landed, you could tell we were in Florida because of the people. My sister wouldn't shut up and was talking the whole time to my mother with whom I haven't said more than two words to in the past 24 hours.
the urge to cut has overpowered me
i guess that i just couldn't see
the hurt i held within my heart
i want to cut away the bad parts
a razor cut so sharp and fine
a healer of this soul of mine
no other method can i use
my body does my mind abuse
a swift deep cut across my wrist
will send me to a pleasant mist
in strawberry fields pure and sweet
a better life i try to meet
my mind right now is in a haze
a twisted thorny fiery maze
confusion takes me to a place
i know not which is my true face
a week of this and then no more
i will even the score.
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