Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
you sound concerned
but Why i ask
taking care of me
is not your task
at least it never was
when i was just a girl
cold and lonely
in a disparaging world
you fear for me
i do as well
though as for me
i'd rather die in Hell
darkness fills my heart
suicide consumes my mind
i know not where it comes from
this rage i feel inside
it clouds my thoughts and feelings
until everything is gone
this hate and fear i feel inside
have merged as one
i do not understand my thoughts
they are not my own
i wish that they would leave me
safe and all alone
one part of me says "Do it
give up your soul and die
then i will leave you
to sit in Hell and fry."
the other part says "i am free"
but this is not the case
i know not what i look like
or which is my true face.
fear is a thing that grasps you
it holds on so tight
you have to pry it off of you
with all your strength and might
and if that does not work at first
but nothing else will do
you'll have to wait it out a bit
or find a soul anew.
and if your heart is not that strong
but nothing can you do
i suggest you end it all
rather than let the anger stew.
my life to me is all a lie
i pray to god above each night
to give me wings to fly.
i search for truth, a life unknown
for all these years i have been left
sad and so very alone.
for this life you've given
with open arms and open heart
is not that which you've lived in.
we are so very different, you and me
you live in my fantasy life in which
there is some happiness, you see.
for mine is filled with sad regret
the opposite of your fearless life
this hate i will never forget
but i have hope for my own self
all you have is fear
inside my mind lives a tiny elf
who whispers in my ear.
it tells me when to trust the world
and when to trust my heart
and every time i lose my way
it gives me a fresh start.
i have waged a war between my thoughts
and the mind that holds them dear
it knows it should not think these things
but everything it fears.
it fears these thoughts will bend the course
of life for its possessor
it needs a place to open up
a place labeled confessor.
this room it cleans with much precision
each object has its place
and if one thing is not quite right
it thinks itself a disgrace.
it edits pages rich and new
electronic information
it waits to see if it is free
from hateful confrontation.
and if surpassed by lesser ones
of lesser obligations
then wrong it was in thinking thus
a wicked revelation.
how tired it is getting now
of fighting daily wars
these thoughts are strong and noble
but quitting it abhors.
its thoughts it spills in painful haste
to make these thoughts confess
that they don't really know the meaning
of life, a great distress.
the thoughts are getting tired now
the mind is growing strong
it had the strength to fight this battle
i knew it all along.
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