Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
July 18, 2002-2 (2:30pm) i could really use my PRN right about now. though it just got to the pharmacy today. two of the new people chose not to go to group today. if they're gonna be like that from the start they might as well not come. i tried to help and they just blew me off. it was really inconsiderate. you have to be self-centered, rude, and un-motivated to be accepted into their group. that's fine, id didn't want them in my group anyhow *sticks tongue out* I don't want to make up a food schedule. all the talk and the envy have convinced me i don't need food nor do i want it. what i really want is to go home and cut but that would be an even greater setback than not eating and i don't think i'll have time to pick up my PRN on the way home. i'm seriously having an anxiety attack. i really need my meds or to go sit somewhere else. i'm kinda freaking out here. a few more minutes and i'm gonna go sit outside somewhere. before last week i haven't had much of an anxiety or panic attack in quite some time. great now i'm alone in this waiting room. being in here with someone is bad but being alone is worse.
July 18, 2002 (10:26am) i sear to god my head's gonna explode from envy. she's so skinny. people can't seem to grasp that some people don't believe in a god or an afterlife like that's just unimaginable. i'm starting to question though.
July 17, 2002-4 (2:04pm) i'm supposed to have a food schedule planned out by tomorrow 1:00pm. i'm having an anxiety attack just thinking about writing it and trying to stick to it. right now eating three meals a day and one snack seems an impossible feat. rice maybe and fruit...lots of fruit, something with peanut butter...toast. my therapist's really gonna hate it. i can't imagine eating much more than i do now. she's gonna freak. i so don't want to follow it, i just want to waste away. i mean seriously, what a great way to go. "what control she had, how strong she was to deny herself of everything. I wish I had that kind of control." I'd be for once known for my strength, not my weakness. What a treat.
July 17, 2002-3 (12:50pm) some jerk took my spot today, the one woman i really hate so i'll have to leave my stuff there tomorrow to reserve it early. i didn't get to process again this morning and i'm not processing in the last group, too much focus on me then and too many people here today that i don't like. one person too good for her own problems much less ours. i want to say "there's other people in this world besides you." i haven't liked her since my first time in the hospital in 2001 and now she's back. i'm really hating program right now. i'm hating school and home and everything else too. i think there's a girl here my age but she's not wanting to stay. it's the thing with newly diagnosed patients, the fear that they're crazy, that listening to someone else's problems won't help them. i'll be all jealous if she comes back though. she's all skinny and going to a college I turned down. hating all ready but i'm the veteran this time. that's always fun. i think the cognitive facilitator quit. she hasn't been teaching group at all this week.
July 17, 2002-2 (10:05am) it's getting old again sitting here day after boring hellish day but my options are limited. even if i could leave a few minutes early, where would i go? what would i gain from it? so i go from sitting here to sitting elsewhere. to appear interested and attentive seems a likely means to salvation despite it's outward appearance. religious scripture fill my ears and clouds my mind with useless information. weakness allows my eyelids to fall as i succumb to helpless slumber in this forbidden zone of higher education. slowly my thoughts drift from the loud painful passionless panging of our tireless mind controlling dictator to the projects and activities i'll pursue when finally i'm released. bars on the windows and chains on the doors, we're losing people one by one protesting mind controlling shackles just implied, not put in place. if i could be descrete in trecking to the locked gate i'd flee this place as soon as the opportunity came to make haste.
Double click any word on this page for a definition.
Using Firefox? Enable definitions by downloading the extension. Sorry, this feature does not currently work in Opera or Safari.
