Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
Everybody knows me around here. even the graveyard shift guy because he gets my makeup bag without me asking and the lady who draws blood was there and she needed mine so they just had me sit in the nurses' station. blood lady said I was up early and late-shift guy said "no, this is about the time she gets up" and I said "I always get up at 6am." it was just kinda funny. okay either I'm coming down with a cough or I inhaled some of the cotton the gardener was blowing around. I wanted to walk around one more time but I couldn't stop coughing so I turned back. collar bones are encouraging but the number on the scale is not what I want it to be. it says I've lost 5lbs in a week and a half. I'm so tired I just want to go in my room and lie down but i can't miss the social worker, i need to ask her about partial so i don't have to deal with all this insurance crap wednesday. there are people in the group room but i think it's early yet. I hope it hasn't started without me. oh nm that was trauma group. the social worker is sitting in the nurses' station anyhow and they wouldn't do group without her. i still have an hour and a half of problem solving group and an hour of stress management. maybe i'll try to pick up my things from the OT room between 11:00am and 11:30am when they start serving lunch. Though I'd like to go to arts and crafts once more at 3:30pm. pregnant-looking belly in a leotard woman stayed all frickin day long until her hubby came about 7:00pm. I also have to go get my keys from my therapist but i guess that can wait. i don't even know what the hell i'm doing about appointments this week and next because i'll be in partial to 3:00pm monday, wednesday, and friday and hopefully get to volunteer at the hospital as well. it's my mother's birthday friday and my best friend's birthday is monday.
I had to leave group early because a certain person was talking about "screwing" and I finally stood up and started to say i can't listen to this and elise just nodded and i left. when idiot savant guy and this other woman stopped talking everyone looked at me. black-pride woman even made this gesture with her hands to get me to talk. finally i told everyone i was anxious about leaving and when i was done, black-pride woman said "you have a beautiful spirit, not at all abrasive" that really meant a lot since she doesn't usually say that about people. she's the one who i told to sit with us when she was wandering around the cafeteria. They're doing a calorie count today. the girl asked what i had eaten and i told her just orange juice and she asked "why?" basically and i said partially because i wasn't hungry and partially because i didn't want to eat. i don't want to be here when my pdoc sees that written down. he's gonna give me a fucking lecture. one i've already heard and then the dietician is supposedly gonna talk to me. that totally sucks because she is anything but subtle. she's even kinda mean about it. i've heard the lecture a million times from a million different people. you'd think they'd get sick of it by now. i sure am.
I just asked shawn the meds guy if he knew whether the dietician was seeing me today or not and he said he didn't know but "i'll tell yah when she's coming so you can hide. i'll help you. no i won't" Damn she's here. Shoot me, shoot me now. This woman is like the dietician from hell. i don't know where she disappeared to but i would love to crawl in a hole and pull the hole in after me. i hope she does come, i'm not taking any of her crap. and then my pdoc is gonna lecture me before he works out my discharge papers. he can also go to hell for all i care. this...freak came yesterday. she's ugly as hell and she walks around with her nose turned up, literally. she thinks she's better than everyone because she can sing opera. it was just annoying the crap out of everyone last night.
my mother thinks i'm coming home around 1pm or so, when it's really gonna be 5pm or later. there's this new guy and he's complaining that he's not getting what he paid for. he's in the lounge talking on his cell phone in persian and he got in an argument with the resident mental case. i wanted to tell him just to ignore her and she'll go away but it was an entertaining moment. i didn't want to spoil the fun. lunch: orange juice to keep my blood sugar at a non-fainting level. getting dizzy while sitting at the table kinda freaked me out more than it felt good. getting dizzy when i stand up is only a minor inconvenience. i think contrary to the blood sugar thing, i can go a lot longer without food than i can with a low blood sugar level. so, skip the food, drink the oj. those are my two cents. good god the local psychotic freak's pounding the ivory's in a nauseatingly putrid sorta way. she's been told to shut up several times but she's just pounding her heart away, talking to herself. i don't want to go in my room because i'll just get tired and fall asleep. god give it a rest!! i'm about two sour notes away from jumping her. she doesn't usually play this long.
i need to go find some new ceramics to paint for days when i don't have partial. i need to see if the hospital has a website with any information on volunteer work there. i'd rather not walk in the front door and try to guess who i need to talk to and where that person is located. i don't want to be a candy...striper? and have to wear those ugly ass uniforms. i'll have to see if i can request the mental health department. though i'm not sure it's gonna be like this. it'll probably be like this with 2 west, mariah, and pac all mixed together. that is if they have a mental health department. now they want my weight. well, i can tell yeah it wend down. i'd like to drink as many glasses of water i can muster but what the hell, i'm leaving today anyhow. The scale says i lost five pounds in ten days...Unfortunately for all involved I see through the health risks to the benefits and the tricks. Orange juice to avoid low blood sugar and I can go on for days without any food. It's always the light headedness that gets me. Like after just two days or less.
This woman and I just went for a walk. She is sooo nice all the time, even when she's down. I'm so afraid of what the result's gonna be of my telling them the truth about what i'm eating and the weight i lost. last year i lost one pound in 18 days and they freaked. They seem to be doing checks every 15 minutes like on 2 west. we'll see in 15 minutes whether that's the case or not. I want to get some apple juice but the cafeteria's probably closed.
I'm really not ready to go. even if I stayed I'd still have to tell my mother that I am. I'm not sure she'd like that very much. I'm not ready to go. I feel like I'm gonna start crying. My eyes are still bothering me. Sometimes I can't focus, bright light hurts more than it should. I'm shaking really bad but it's from not eating I presume. My therapist is serious about San Diego. She asked if I thought I'd be in competition with the others, who could weigh less. I would just like to be that weight before I even went in. Now she's talking Arizona though. My blood sugar's low but i've been to the cafeteria twice now and they didn't refill the orange juice...dispenser.
I went and sat with these 3 large women while they finished their meals and we'd get talking about the most embarrassing subjects and they didn't worry about what people thought or anything. Then we sat outside and talked for about an hour about everything. One woman talked about being a lesbian and another talked about her son, and may other topics to which I just sat back and listened. Their stories were incredible. Then I had one of the nurses page my pdoc because they didn't have any sort of order for my discharge because he said he'd be back after he finished his outpatient appointments. It's 7:30pm and he's still not here so I don't know what's going on. I thought about going for PTSD and then being in the trauma group since my therapist couldn't really put me in it. I'm just about packed, only a few odds and ends to gather. My eyes are going berserk, I think I need to be off the zyprexa all together. It also feels like I've got something on my head like a headband or something.
now I've got this mildly large gash on my right index finger knuckle. It looks like I punched someone in the teeth. I can't let my pdoc see it. I want to go work on the puzzle just to keep my mind busy bit I want to be here when my pdoc arrives. I don't want him to just discharge me. I want him to call the insurance company and at least try for a few more days so I can go to trauma group Wednesday. I found a good way to deal with dry mouth...chew gum. like for therapy it would be so much less distracting to not be taking a sip of water every 20 seconds.
well, I'm just sitting here patiently, hoping he's gonna come soon. I'm not sure I want music playing when he gets here but it's too damn quiet. There we go, much better, I'm just not gonna let myself worry. In cases like this it's very difficult not to but i don't get all tense and fidgety and upset waiting. I was gonna go ask the nurse if she paged him but I don't want to bug her. I want to stay, I need to try trauma group. I need to talk to someone about this. Besides, I'm not sure how safe it is for me to drive home with my eyes like this. It's a wonder I can even see what I'm writing. Wow, I soooo hope I can stay. They JUST paged him "and he's supposed to be calling back." if I can stay I'll make a deal that I eat at every meal. I was supposed to call my mother around 8:00 and it's 8:12pm. but still no news. I'm sitting out in front of the nurses' station and when i looked up, one of them was pointing at me. do i have a sincere look about me or something? because people seem to see me as this entity, a shoulder to lean on. I mean fine, that's great and wonderful and all but I'd like to be in on this secret everyone seems to have...am I like emanating healing rays or something that only i am unable to see? Anyhow, it's a...blessing that i can help these people by just listening to them as long as they need, and noticing when something's wrong and asking them about it, checking up on people to see if they're better than the day before. it seems to be the only way i can be around people. i watch over everyone here, that's why they like me so much i think, because i can't figure out any other logical explanation.
I'm afraid my pdoc's gonna be tired and cranky and not even consider trying to get my insurance extended. i really don't want to drive with my eyes like this, and worse yet, in the dark. the psycho freak's playing her sad excuse for a piano medley. I wish the recluse guy would play again, as it turns out he is the idiot savant i suspected him to be. he just has that never brushed hair with receding hairline, the strong as steel european accent i'm not sure he even understands, the slightly hunched back and limp in his stride. it's all there, and despite all his unfortunate faults, he plays the piano like...there are no words. It's like nothing I've ever heard before.
i just went to get my makeup bag and i went to the nurses' station, didn't say a thing, and the guy knew what i wanted without me telling him. "She/It smells good so she must be up" is what the mental health worker said this morning while doing rounds. and when anxiety girl hugged me last night she said "your hair smells really good" (like 14 hours after I washed it). Crabby Asian mental health worker just walked in, if I can make her like me, i can make anyone like me. She asked if I had eaten yet...does orange juice count? I'm losing weight and I want to continue losing weight at least until my smallest pair of jeans fit me comfortably again. I just went for a walk and it felt really good I think because my muscles are so tired that the walk stretched them out a little bit. Gotta burn off the calories from breakfast: two glasses of orange juice. and no caffeine, i'm going off the stuff. no headaches yet but I'm anticipating them. their diet pepsi tastes like gasoline anyhow. i feel so much better when i'm around people, i'm just amazed at that. everyone seems so down today though so they're mainly in their rooms. i get even more down cooped up in my room. That's why i'm in the lounge journaling, half lying on the couch. I'm getting a little tired though. This is where the caffeine would usually kick in and wake me up. I'm totally looking forward to "Creative Task Workshop" today. but it's not until 4:00 and it's only a little after 9:00am. Group's at 9:30 though so maybe that'll wake me up some. i've decided i want to volunteer at huntingon memorial hospital. i would prefer the mental health department but i'll take what i can get, then hopefully that will get my foot in the door for working as a mental health worker for their psych. department. That would be cool. i've just found from being here and although i'm the youngest, i love helping people. everyone who knows me seems to love me and i seem to be able to keep everyone's quirks in mind when asking them specific questions such as if they told me yesterday their meds were too strong I remember to ask today if their meds got changed and they seem to appreciate that. at dinner last night i was just sorta moving from table to table because all of my "friends" don't sit together. There's about four tables of people and i'd like to sit with them all but that just won't work so i have to pick and choose. Lunch with this group, dinner with that one, breakfast with the other. why can't i be like this outside the hospital? I'd be so much happier if I was. No breakfast, no lunch and everyone's all "where's your food young lady?" heh, I pointed to the cafeteria. "Did you eat breakfast?" Anyhow, this morning this woman who can't get up the stairs wanted to go to group but the social worker wouldn't hold it downstairs again and this woman got all upset and was crying so i went in and tried to calm her down and asked her if she wanted to just go somewhere and talk, just the two of us. and she said she wanted to and she sorta put her arm around me and just really appreciated it. so we went out on the patio and she talked to me like she was in group and i did my best to play the social worker. then we just got talking and another girl came out and we played a game called 10,000, played with 5 dice. Then we went to lunch and i asked if it would be awkward if i sat with them and didn't eat. Then one woman came in (she and i watched citizen kane together last night) crying and was sorta wandering like she couldn't figure out what to do and i walked up and very nicely insisted she sit with us. I got her silverware and someone else got her a drink and we spent most of lunch trying to get her out of the "fog" and smile if possible. about 2:45 the woman from this morning and i were alone so we talked about how the women here seem to talk about sex freely and she mentioned something about when she was/being a virgin and i sorta said "well, I'm not" and we talked for a while and now i'm gonna go to art with her because it takes her a while to get down there and it's not like i have anything to do. my pdoc came by today, i'm being discharged tomorrow. I'm not thrilled but whatever. Hopefully I'll start partial immediately and I'm still tossing around the idea of volunteering at huntington memorial hospital, i fear what they're gonna make me do. i really enjoyed helping those people today, immensely. but i'm leaving tomorrow. at partial group's all day and we get lunch here in the cafeteria which means it'll be easy as pie to not eat. i haven't eaten today, just had 4 glasses of orange juice and i'm not hungry amazingly enough. still no caffeine though which is good. my eyes are kinda bothering me at the moment but i see my new pdoc in about two weeks and i'll tell him then if they're still bothering me. i wonder where this woman is from this morning, she was supposed to knock on my door before she left. i'm listening to kenny logins - celebrate me home. great song.
A few people went for a walk after dinner and we ended up stopping to talk to people. Unfortunately i was nervous as hell and just hung back until they resumed walking. I've been putting a puzzle together with this woman (age 42) and there's this new guy. I walk in his general direction and he starts talking to me like i could give a shit. luckily they transferred him to 2 east so i won't see him much at all between now and whenever i'm discharged. i'm gonna ask if my discharge can happen after 4pm so that i can go to arts and crafts because i'm going to group tomorrow from 9:30-11:00am and that's when the lady said she'd be there. i'm exhausted but i can't go to sleep because i want to call my friend really bad. and i haven't had any caffeine since early yesterday and i don't want to break that. my eyes are all screwed up. besides being tired they're hugely dilated and my vision is blurry unless i concentrate hard to focus them. i just went for a walk, my muscles feel so tight and under worked. i need to run or stretch or something. it's nice and cool outside but hotter than hell inside for some god-awful reason. anxiety girl's getting better which is nice to see. this other woman doesn't want to talk about her problems but she's having problems with her marriage. her kids are so adorable though. i need my therapist to drop by at least so i'll know what to ask the social worker tomorrow about partial.
I can tell if i've lost weight by comparing my collar bones every day. they feel more pronounced today. which is a good sign because i was afraid the orange juice i drank today would have the same effect as drinking soda all day but with more...nutrients. I need to remember to ask my therapist when she'll be in her office tomorrow so i can get my keys though if she is there i may have to wait until a session is over. I should pack but i'm not in the mood. I was pretty "up" today even with all the problems that happened. it's when i'm alone or when the person i'm with doesn't want to be there is when i get depressed. and when i'm tired but i can't sleep. i get real isolative and..."leave me alone!" kinda attitude. I really should be packing or something instead of just sitting here twirling my pencil around. i've really gotten it down since I've been here, plenty of time to practice.
I've got all of my...loud songs playing on WinAmp. I couldn't handle any of the slow, melodic, or depressing songs right now. I've got Alien Ant Farm, Bush, Fuel, Gorillaz, Harvey Danger, Incubus, No Doubt, Sum41, and System of a Down all playing right now. I need some happy, silly, get on your feet and dance kinda music but i'm afraid i don't have any. maybe i'll go work on the puzzle again. for the third time. it's something to do at least. the damn nurse just came in and said "I'm just gonna look around for a minute, is that okay?" and I of course said yes. then she just looked over everything, in my bathroom then said "okay" and left. This shift's full of a bunch of idiots who couldn't find their hand in front of their face. they weren't gonna let me go for a walk after dinner and almost didn't give me my makeup because the chart said "SI with Depression" and they gave me ten minutes to do whatever it was that i needed it for. ooo i can't wait until the graveyard shift comes on. these people are paranoid freaks and belong in a room of their own, going into group every day saying how they weren't hugged enough as a kid as a single tear runs down their face. i'd really like to ask what she was looking for because that's really bothering me. Then i sat down at the chair waiting for meds and she asks me how my day went. then she calls me into the nurse's station and starts a calorie count. i figured no harm in telling the truth so i said i had two glasses of orange juice for dinner. she said "aren't you hungry?" i'm sick and tired of their crap. if i don't want to eat that's my problem not theirs. i know it's because i told my pdoc how my eating disorder was going (not very good) but i'm leaving tomorrow and i went in for SI and depression, not an eating disorder. they can't do anything about that.
I kind of wish they had asked me about breakfast and lunch so i could shock them some more with my strength to go without, the control i have over my body and it's wants and needs. i don't see why my pdoc is doing a calorie count now, the evening before i leave. seen as i'm leaving him, tomorrow will be the last time i have to see him. i have a feeling he's gonna lecture me about not eating or whatever. wherever i go, whatever i do they're there watching and taking notes. it's the last thing i need. i need some "alone" time. i don't have all these people to talk to when i go home. suddenly i'm the screw-up. i'm the one failing to function. Why is it such a big fucking deal? sure it's their job to keep me afloat but it's my job to swim and i choose not to.
I just got LECTURED, i mean MAJORLY lectured on god and religion. i hate it when people do that. and now i'm back to panicking abut that calorie count thing and the fact that i don't plan on eating tomorrow either. they'll probably ask me again tomorrow and i'm suddenly not afraid to tell them the truth. i don't want my pdoc to come lecture me, i can't imagine anything worse. but i'm not gonna throw this out just because i can't handle him. i'm about a meal-free day away from PAC. i'm going home tomorrow. no matter what.
Anxiety ridden girl was sitting alone at breakfast this morning so i got my yogurt and sat with her. she's always asking if this feeling's gonna go away, whatever that feeling may be. i just insist it will and she seems happy with that. red headed girl's looking all happy-like today. she's having ECT done. she was being really comical about it. i want to weight myself really bad. well, with my shoes on and baggy jeans....I've lost a few pounds. I feel like it's more though maybe i should stop eating all together. I'm home monday so it's only a couple days. I'm so exhausted I'm not sure I'll be able to sit through group today but I need to talk to elise about partial. I was worried about it but not so much anymore. I didn't have any caffeine this morning, I'm gonna try to stop drinking soda from now on. I'm not gonna lose weight on how much I'm drinking now and their diet soda tastes like gasoline. Red head woman sat with us at breakfast and anxiety girl said i looked really young then red head woman said I look 14!! Maybe that's why everyone's being so nice, because I look so young...? anxiety girl said i looked perfect to her while I was eating my salad the other day. I think she's delusional. anxiety girl is really nice, she's always willing to talk though she's on 2 east so I only see her at meals if she doesn't have visitors and wandering around sometimes. group this morning was supposed to be upstairs but the woman i introduced myself to the other day couldn't walk up the stairs and the elevator was too far away so she got upset because she really wanted to go. this woman and i went upstairs and asked the social worker if it could be downstairs and after some arguing he took a vote and EVERYONE voted to go downstairs, so we went and told the woman and we all squeezed into the downstairs conference room. three people sitting, one standing and that's only because a couple people had to leave. it would have been more. it seemed like all the people from upstairs and downstairs were there. I've never had a group that large. Anyhow, today's gonna be so boring. All there is to do is the morning problem solving group (9:30-10:30) and "creative task workshop" aka arts and crafts (4:00-5:00). Then just meals but everyone's gonna have visitors while I sit alone unfortunately. I think I'm just gonna eat as soon as the cafeteria opens at 11:30 so I'll be done and gone before visitors start showing up at 12:00. There's this guy here who reminds me of a young Pete Samaras. Hmmm. I wonder what floor he's on. I want to sleep but I'm afraid my therapist or someone is going to come, even though she said she'd be here early or late saturday or sunday. she's moving apparently, she said she had to pack up her entire house today.
I'm engaged in this contest with myself (if you haven't noticed) which is to make friends with every damn person in this hospital. Adult-staff-wise: Jill from my pdoc's office, sandra who handled my evaluation here, alma who handled my admission, shawn the day meds guy and dave the night meds guy, grouchy asian nurse lady who, I've realized is very kind and even smiles if you act like she's your best friend, kim the recreational therapist, elise the social worker for partial, I could just go on and on. They all know me by my first name. then there's at LEAST 5 people from 2 east who know me and 90% or more of first floor people who know me and it's starting to feel like everyone from Briar knows me by name like they sit around and talk about me down there. which is just insanely creepy.
I just got up to throw my gum away and OMG my body hurts so bad and i only walked like five feet. I'm exhausted, no more sleeping pills for me. It takes way too long to wear off. I'm just now sorta coming out of it and it's 11:21am. I took it at 8:30 last night. I want to stop drinking soda so I've been drinking orange juice here where I don't have it at my fingertips all day. their orange juice is a little on the watery side but it's not bad, not like their diet soda, wow! it's gross. I think I'll have some crackers with my salad today and just not eat all of my salad.
There's one woman here who I can't stand because yesterday she spent all of lunch explaining african american rights and all these famous musicians she claims to have played with or written songs for. I have an amazingly hard time believing that. she talked the entire lunch. I'm so sick of her "black pride" crap I could just puke.
anxiety girl wanted to go for a walk so I said I'd go with her but when I met her upstairs she said she was feeling really bad so she went to lay down instead and I went on a walk alone. It feels like my legs forgot how to walk and it's not so much tiring that my breathing was labored but more like my muscles gave up on me. It wasn't as easy as it was yesterday. when the maid came in this morning she was all surprised that I made my bed. I just asked for some clean towels and she emptied the trash. i'm usually not here when they come, i'm usually at lunch or in group or something. group is from 4-5 today. a half hour into dinner. maybe I'll be able to skip today, or I'll just get a roll. I think I've found out everyone's names I didn't know but they knew mine. This is definitely some idiotic contest between myself and uh...myself I guess to have everyone know my name and like me before I leave. I'm doing pretty well actually.
I really enjoy helping people as long as they appreciate it. today in group it was so cramped in that little room and someone was talking about something, something odd and the girl next to me and i looked at each other, sort of with eyebrows raised and we started laughing, silently of course. I'm so tired I think I'm gonna sleep a little bit. Group isn't until 4:00 on the weekends because they're big visiting days. 12-8pm. I'm quite possibly the only one without visitors while I'm here. I can't deal with it. I just need a break for a while. I still have annoying people knocking on my door 24/7 but at least they aren't my parents in fact most of them are in their 20's. no one else bothers me really except the maids who aren't a bother and my pdoc who totally is. even though I'm tired i don't really feel like sleeping, I feel like writing.
I can tell I've lost weight in my arms, legs, and collar bones are showing. It's incredibly encouraging, especially considering I'm eating three meals a day. the woman i introduced myself to the other day can't do her laundry because it's all the way upstairs so I offered to do it for her and she said one of the nurses was doing it then she's all "it is SOOO NICE of you to offer." I've been helping her ever since she got here. Not only for her but for me as well. I don't feel like a good person at home because I can't be helpful. It just isn't in me to help my parents and there's no one else.
creation. I love creating things. It doesn't really matter what the media is I just love it. be it pen to paper, paint to ceramic, tile on wood...anything. I think there are bruises on my back from leaning against the arm of a metal chair in the lounge. I had my feet over one arm and my back to the other. I can't tell though because I only have one mirror, all I do know is that it's a bit painful across my back where the arm was. I think as soon as they do rounds again I'm gonna lay down for a little bit, see if i can't kill some time sleeping before group as it's almost 3:00 and I've run out of things to do and say. I can hardly keep my poor eyes open. This no-caffeine thing's gonna suck but i think if i don't take my sleep meds i'll be okay because usually i'm sipping a soda all day and night. damn that really hot guy who works here just got here. he always tries to talk to me and i hate it. it's like "go find a girl who's equally hot and leave me alone." he works in a psychiatric hospital and is hitting on its residents. seems a little odd to me.
god they keep calling me lisa because there's another woman named lisa and there were two lisa's with blonde hair but one went home yesterday. i just asked the woman i introduced myself to if she was going to arts and crafts at four and after saying she wasn't she said "thank you honey" and i said "i hope you feel better." what is it with people calling me honey? there's only one person [guy] i like being called honey by and the rest...it's annoying as hell. especially if they're younger than me. anyhoo...now what shall i do? i guess i'll look over my site for errors, that'll definitely take up the rest of the day. i've never had the time and/or the desire to do it until now.
Even though families are here visiting it's extremely quiet around here. Depressingly quiet actually. Maybe I'll go get that puzzle I did twice last year and just set it up on my floor. I'll have to run it by the nurses' station, hmmmm...my therapist came by and i was really down, i don't know why. we talked a little more about san diego and about me volunteering at huntington hospital, and going to partial. i'm really down today i don't know why. i talked to my mother a little bit, i think it made me not want to sleep tonight. i came out for meds and they said we could watch a movie and at the same time as this "black pride" woman and i said "Citizen Kane" which sparked some conversation. our choices were that or star wars. no one wants to watch it though besides us. people keep coming in, seeing that it's an OLD movie and they leave. when i was waiting for meds anxiety girl gave me a hug and i didn't freak out, amazing. maybe because she couldn't hurt a fly if she wanted to. this girl came in and tried to get us to watch another movie. she gave me a weird look when i said this is my favorite movie of all time. i didn't really eat dinner. i picked at a wheat roll and drank orange juice. i don't want to eat tomorrow either. i'm tired but i don't want to sleep tonight.
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