Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
the asshole at CompUSA says we need to talk to the police. i just want my computer, fixed or not. my mother's giving them 3 days to call back...3 days! that's an eternity. i'm never shopping at that store ever no matter what. both stores--Monrovia and Burbank--have lost my business forever. no one noticed how this is effecting me. i'm afraid something's going to happen to my computer (again) while it's in' their possession. all i wanted was a bigger hard drive and now, a court case! i want to just sleep and forget about all this. i can't deal with this when my appointment with Richard Preuit is thursday. I just want to curl up in my bed where it's safe and warm. my mother asked if i was going to transfer my files from zip to her computer. yeah...in her dreams. i'm just using my zip drive like an external hard drive. i've got 600mb drive space so i think i'll be able to use it like normal without my parents having the issue of privacy. i'd prefer to not use a computer at all if my only options were to give them access or not have a computer at all. I like looking at my shadow. oh what i wouldn't give to look like my shadow. tall and skinny. my parents said i could use the new computer while mine's gone but they're on like 24/7. i can barely check my mail much less get any work done. it's ridiculous. i wish my sister was back, then i wouldn't have to deal with all of this crap. i don't even know if she's celebrating new years or not. i want to take pictures, i want to draw, but with all that's on my mind, i'd never be able to do that kind of creative task. writing isn't even "creative," it's straight forward, to the point, factual. wow i just had the privilege of seeing my friend's wedding pics. awwwww now i want to get married. they were so cute and she looked so pretty in her dress. now i'm computerless, temporary-computerless, and i don't even feel like being n my room it's such a mess. there's a place for almost everything and everything is not in its place. what if "Rich" is young and cute? that's just gonna maximize my current issues. *sigh* I miss mark. i miss my privacy (at home). i mean when my sister left, i expected to have this side of the house to myself, but NO, my mother just HAD to choose my sister's room for the location of her new office. now she's spending all of her time there. now she's knocking on my door every so often asking for help. she wants to use my Corel but that means she'll need my book and CD which both reside in my room. i don't want her going through my things but i also don't want to leave them in the other room because they'll get lost or ruined for sure. i don't know, i've got too many things to worry about to even THINK about that now. wow i was so close to not eating a thing today. i'm totally bummed that i gave in. i had spaghetti and gold fish pretty much but it's more than i wanted. i've been doing my exercises but i fell like it's doing no good. of course it's only been about four days but four days is a lot to me. i refuse to weigh myself until i like how i LOOK. when i start to like how i look, knowing my weight will beat that right out of me, no doubt about that. god i can't wait until my mother starts going to S.B. again. First that will mean my b-day's over and second, it's gonna be awesome having the house to myself...COMPLETELY. good god i'm never going to get my computer back. you know my therapist, joking or no, told me that she came in just for me. i'd feel so much better if she hadn't said that. now i don't know if she meant it but now i feel bad, i don't want her coming in for me--that just makes me terribly uncomfortable. i feel like she's trying to make me feel bad by saying that. i don't she doesn't mean it but i can't help it. you know me--the perpetual people pleaser.
i suddenly remember why i don't go places with my father. my computer stopped working again and so we took it back to have it looked at. i wasn't aware that we were going there to lay blame. i figured we were just going to get it fixed, whether someone was at fault or not, didn't matter to me. my father started arguing with them and as we were leaving, he's telling me he hates computers because he knows nothing about them. so...i guess that means i was sitting there having a panic attack for nothing? bummer. and i made about 8 animated GIF's last night and now they're all gone. i have to start over from scratch. arg! and tomorrow i'm seeing harry potter with my father and his parents. that whole side of the family just has no regard for etiquette in today's society. i'm a tad bit stressed about seeing Michelle tomorrow at 8:15am because i'm afraid i'll sleep through my alarm again. ugh, i'm so worn out mentally. i just want to sleep for a couple hours. i was up till 3am this morning working on my computer and now it's all for not. now i'm without a computer almost indefinitely. they dropped my computer breaking the motherboard and cracking my screen. they suggest the cats did it and my mother's ready to go to court. a new motherboard costs upwards of $700 and a screen upwards of $1000. *tear* i'm never gonna get my laptop back.
I'm so completely unmotivated today. i haven't checked my e-mail or e-mailed mark like i promised i would. i would sort of enjoy sleeping all day but my parents will be home at any time. "you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting." why is that such a great line to me? because, i'm guessing, if i were to "lose," it would be because i had been found "wanting." there is no loss so great than being found wanting. it shows weakness. my poor boomer's standing in front of his food eyes closed, sleeping. whoever said lizards don't have personalities never met anything like mine. my parents bought a new computer today and are acting like i should be excited...yeah, i'll be excited when i get my laptop back.
So I'm without a computer. I went and bought two journals. This one and one for dreams along with dream cards. this morning i went alone to get my new 20gb hard drive installed then when i got home, my sister was moving out and she asked me to help. i did a tiny bit and had to stop. she lefty an d my mother came home. my new 256mb, 100mhz ram and new battery arrived. after my mother left, my friend in Norway im'ed me to see if i could buy her a scale and mail it out to her. since the internet was of no help, I decided to go out shopping. it was to no avail. i did buy a few things though and it raised my spirits. i also bought, get this: "concentrated predigested protein." yeah, who ate it before me I wonder. i was able to mark off all new boxes on my anxiety/phobia checklist. they were: deep breathing technique, coping techniqu3est to manage panic, nurturing inner child, anti-stress supplements, used spiritual beliefs and practices to reduce anxiety. i love the idea of going back to paper. From Augusta Gone by Martha Tod Dudman "But I also knew that you had to be away from me. That was what i said out loud to myself on walks that sad and furious winter that straggly spring. that's what i said to those few friends i could still stand to see. that's what i said to my therapist. she has to get away from me. because you had taken all of the darkness inside of yourself and smeared it on me. and i had become the reason for everything. i was your icon of wrongness. i was the one you could blame." Do i need to explain? i don't believe i do. maybe this is a good break, i was running out of things to do online anyhow. the only good aspect of Lisa being gone is that i don't have to worry about being too loud.
Okay I wasn't going to do this but I'm bored as hell. For Christmas I got a CD burner (which we're either returning tomorrow or we're updating my windows to XP so it will work), Corel Draw ESSENTIALS which is just a new and compacted version of the Corel I have now. I also got lots of glossy photographic (or whatever) paper so I could print out my digital images on photo-quality paper. I printed out the principle image for this site (the background: "solidarity") and it looked amazing. Just like I had taken it with a real camera. I have this sudden desire to tell the world that digital is better. You can edit, delete, modify, resize...anything you can think of. It just makes for better pictures. Now with my camera, I'm concerned because the images aren't the "normal" size a picture should be (3 1/2 x 5, 4x6, 8x10, etc.) so I have to make allowances for that. I either have to crop the images, or deal with their unusual sizes, wasting paper. Santa gave boomer a present also. He got an awesome branch that I've been wanting to buy him since day one, but I haven't had the money. So, I've got about 20 blank CDs waiting to be burned and I can't do a thing with them. Ewe I ate so much the past few days, today though in particular. By about dinner time I had about had it with the day so I ate my noodles and then sat quietly while I focused on my "Already Always Listening" and, fluke or no, my grandfather actually made a joke that wasn't at someone else's expense. My parents made us breakfast this morning eggs, bacon, and pancakes. I had two pancakes. Then I had chips when my grandparents arrived around 4pm. Turkey noodles at 6:30pm (though I asked for only a little) and then a minor binge on chips and dip about an hour ago. I did get on the treadmill the other day. I walked fast paced at a 10% incline for about 5 or 10 minutes and then went back to what I was doing (giving the dog a bath). I think since I did it though, it'll be easier for me to get back into it again. My mother works tomorrow and my father and I are going to hit the stores. We have to return/exchange my CD burner, price internal memory (someone suggested 70gb to him!!) and ram. He said for what I wanted to do I'd need a Pentium 4 but I can't have that so I don't get why he felt he needed to tell me that. He was loud and obnoxious tonight. Tormenting my cousin and all of us. Well, I need to go to sleep if I plan on getting up early.
Double click any word on this page for a definition.
Using Firefox? Enable definitions by downloading the extension. Sorry, this feature does not currently work in Opera or Safari.
