Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
I've lost my trust in everyone. I've begun to lose my soul. I have a hole in my heart. It tears me apart to see you this way. I've lost a day to worry. I'm in a hurry to hate. The way you stare so blankly aggravates me. You don't appear to see me the way you used to. I'm really not amused. you've made me choose between the two of you and this you promised never to do. I can look you in the eye no longer. I feel so much stronger but I've been hurt by more than you know. I do not care to tell you though. I've opened up to you only to be hurt along the way. I feel the day will come soon when we will see the setting of the moon. An I will sail in it's wake. My heart I will not let you break. You're so fake. I will reject your kindness. You've left me hopeless. Lost and unfocused. I turn away As you do every day And with the setting of the moon The end will likely come soon. Hurt and distracted Never connected Losing my strength Talking at length About such sorrows I wish there were no tomorrow.
School's coming back to me like a bat out of hell and I'm scared. I find my lack of sleep to come overwhelming. my mind needs a break from life...an eternal break. I feel so fake in this skin of mine. there is no time to prepare myself. my health is not well. months ago I fell down into the dark depths of hell and I've been working my way back. but this pack I carry is far too heavy. it gets more and more so with each step that I take. you wish that friends I would make. I am afraid. I have an incurable disease in my head. I feel deserted by my only link to life. these lies I carry are like rocks in my shoes. and I must choose between agony or fear. but I already hold them so dear to my heart that I cannot make a better start. I'm stuck in this circle of my useless life. hope is beyond my reach. as I fall. I live now listening to Satan preach.
Misplacing reality, accepting conformity--my only sanity. Failing the mind and hoping for death, words you cannot find and one last breath. Red ribbon scars repair the soul, all hope is lost to fear, emotions you cannot conquer growing near. Caressing hate each and every day, expressing your anger in every possible way. Medicated and distracted, wrongs never corrected, searching for courage, finding none, losing friendships one by one. Gaining strength to start again this scarring way of life, fetching a knife.
I need to get this shit outta my head. one way or another I'll end up dead if I don't get this shit outta my head. I've lied to you, this is true. But nothing you could ever say could stop me from feeling this way. You try your very hardest, I know. I'm so afraid that I'll have to live my life this way that I resent myself for talking to you. I'm scared of what I don't know. You're hiding something from me and it shows. I see it in your eyes and in your voice. I see the way my words just sound like noise to you. I feel my heart breaking in two, every time I say one word to you. I feel as though I hate you. I know this isn't true. But you've hurt me so. You've failed me and you know. I'm scared and I'm scarred, both inside and out. There is no doubt. I must forge through life without a soul to lean on. Alone and scared. Feeling neglected and rejected. Connected.
I've lost all hope that I can overcome this on my own. My meds were upped today and I once again feel as though I've failed myself. I haven't taken my razors out once since I brought them home and I'll be able to put them back where I found them on Wednesday. I'll be so much more relaxed once they're gone. I don't want to ever have the urge to take them out again. I feel like a terrible person. I'm supposed to tell my therapist everything and there's so much I haven't told her. I don't think I want her to know everything.
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