Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
There are so many sites out there dedicated to self injury, self harm, and self mutilation. Have these people stopped to think what these two words mean to them? To me, mutilation and harm do not reflect the meaning of cutting (my form of SI). I cannot say I would use self injury either though because to me, injuring myself is not the goal. I do not do this to injure myself, I do it to take a giant leap back into reality. It calms me down. I call it SI just like Kentucky Fried Chicken is now called KFC...It's not REAL chicken! I don't consider the injury so why call it self injury? SI will have to do for lack of a better term...
I have nothing left. It's pointless to even hope for better days ahead. It only makes me more unhappy. I don't know another life so I don't know what I'm aiming for. Should I have lots of friends? Should I love going places with them? Should things not scare me so much? I know the answers to these questions but only because I've seen. I know the norm, but not from personal experience. I read pages on depression and self injury and they sound so knowledgeable. I only know what's going through my head and even that is confusing to me. I'm not sure if I should still be angry with my parents. Is holding a grudge wrong? I feel so alone but I don't have any desire for a friendship. The only one I have right now is heading downhill. Why is it so difficult for me? Why does everyone else know so much? And they're so open to letting us all know that they have all the answers. I spend all of my time trying to find answers and I haven't come up with a single one. This is difficult for me because I'm used to having all the answers.
The holidays. So much to say. I'll sum it up in a few sentences: One drunken aunt from Texas and her hick husband who ends up carrying both her and their daughter to their car after the party. Three wild cousins and their significant others (one wife, one fiancé? and a boyfriend who is also our pool cleaner) all simultaneously arguing with each other, what a site. Four adults with too many gushy memories; they start to cry. That leaves a few odds and ends...and me. Me...and 18 crazy people.
Warning: When I wrote this, I wrote it in Word 2000 in Garamond size 10 single spaced and it came out to 2 ?pages. I hope you have some coffee in your hand. If you don't, get some. You might need it...welcome to my world.
Double click any word on this page for a definition.
Using Firefox? Enable definitions by downloading the extension. Sorry, this feature does not currently work in Opera or Safari.
