Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
When my mother says things like "If you had studied you could have aced it..You could be a Rhodes Scholar" I feel like I've let her (them) down and I haven't. There's no way in Hell with all I've accomplished that I have ever let them down!! I've worked too hard and it makes me so angry when I feel this way because it's wrong!! It's completely wrong to believe anything of the sort!! Then I tell her not to say those things (I always tell her) and she says "I'll say whatever I want, you don't have to listen" But I DO have to listen!! She says them to my face!! It's impossible to ignore and she can't, she WON'T understand it!! She has made my already crappy day a complete nightmare!! THIS is exactly why I don't tell her things anymore!!
She did it again. Instead of saying she was sorry that I had so much work to do she continued to say that I had to figure out how to use the oxy library. I wanted to cut but I didn't have anything to do it with.
This time even meds couldn't keep my spirits up. I made this plan last Saturday to go see Ren today and take pictures before they pulled his main and shaved him because he looks so cute right now, but I got there and the farrier and the grooms and one border were there getting ready for the show next week. I only got to spend about five minutes with Ren and I was so sad when I got home that I went to sleep. I don't know why going out in public bothers me. Even being around family scares me to death sometimes. Though large crowds like Disney World didn't bother me in the least. School bothers me though I love being there and the stables never bother me. The only thing I can figure is if I think people are going to judge me, if they'll never be able to get to know ME, and if I'll possibly see them again then I worry about everything I do and say and how I look and act. When things get bad I find I resort to watching Profiler over and over, a few episodes in particular.
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