Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
Well, I spent a full two hours tweaking the windows registry. I got rid of the desktop icons, favorites, and find. It took a while but I did it. I'm not even going to fret over Lisa's reaction. She knew how much this meant to me. I can't think of anything I'm hiding from Michelle but I'm sure there's something I haven't told her. I'm hating right now. I'm hating everything and everyone. I haven't taken my meds in days and I'm feeling it. I'm having an anxiety attack and I need to cut. C******* seems just like Lisa. Too nice yet not listening to a word I say. C******* sort of blew me off today. Fuck her and fuck Lisa. I'm sick of them both. Michelle wants me to make my new mantra: I will look for the good in everyone. Which unfortunately includes my parents this weekend. I sort of laughed when she told me this. It was a "you've got to be kidding" laugh. Panic is starting to set in.
So, my medication is working wonderfully. But I feel like killing myself because of it. I can't find it in myself to be angry with my parents though I have every reason to be. I want to stop taking it so I can have my life back.
So I had an appointment today with Dr. H*******. He asked me all these questions like he knew me including if I was having any more suicidal thoughts. I'm sorry but that's where I draw the line. I was very open with him and told him that I don't feel any better but I'm not letting him lock me up in some mental institution.
I told Michelle today the distrust I have in Dr. H******. She acknowledged it and agreed with me. Said that when she entered the room, she looked at me and thought that poor girl. I loved to hear her say that. She saved me that day. Took me out of Hell. I told her that I can't tell H******* about my suicidal thoughts and she seems to understand and I said I didn't know how it was going to help me by telling him. She said she just wants to keep me safe.
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