Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
Is nothing ever good enough for you? Can't you let me have just one moment of being in the spotlight. Oh my god what I wouldn't do to be Will Hunting. Everything about him I envied even though it was just a movie. He was smart, he had great friends, and someone who cared about him, someone who wanted him to feel okay and who understood. But I guess that's not possible in my case because I can't talk to anyone so therefore no one understands and that is what I need, what I crave. For someone to tell me they understood and that it'll be all right, they'll make it all right.
"We can never go back again, that much is curtain. The past is still too close to us. The things we have tried to forget and put behind us stir again, and that sense of fear, of furtive unrest, struggling at length to blind unreasoning panic - now mercifully stilled, thank God - might in some manner unforeseen become a living companion, as it had been before..."
You've seen how expression in any shape or form on any topic you could possibly think of only makes things worse. The reason I am so un-wanting of conversion at horse shows is because the second I walk into the ring I go blank and I forget everything I have ever learned back home. Then I hate how people tell me what I'm doing wrong. Once I get out it all comes back to me so telling me does not help. I don't want someone reminding me of my faults. I hate acting. That's why I never took drama. I act every day, I don't want to take a class on it. It seems to me I've done a pretty good job at it because everyone still thinks I'm just shy. But what do they know?
My devil has risen in me but I am not able to conquer it. I'm fighting but I own the duller sward. I've been cut and bleeding for some time but I am alone to fight back and to win. I do not see a victory in my near future though. I'm scared. Scared of life in general. I've never been so terribly frightened. Things couldn't get any worse. Well I guess they could, this is just the worse so far. I need to be alone - alone with my thoughts. With no school work pounding me and no family to hassle me. No trainers or teachers to correct me and no friends to betray me
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