Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
I went to the Sierra Tucson website and found a plush puppy to adopt:
*smile* I also asked a few places to send me brochures but one, CBC Texas, wants me to call them instead. I think I'll pass. Of course I'll never be able to go to any of them but if things got bad I could always save up. It'd be something to do for myself down the road. Christmas is here and my parents want to get me an early christmas present because they got my sister one. My mother suggested a queen matress for my queen bed frame that I bought several months ago (I have a full matress on it) but I really don't want it. I'm saving up for a $2,500 camara and to get it sooner they could help me fund that but I doubt they'd do that for me. They'd rather get me something that I don't want as much than help me fund something I want really bad. I have so much I want to do but with exercising two hours a day, working, and driving so much it's all just kind of sitting in my head, hopefully, but I'm not feeling very confident that any of it's going to get done. I even have one gift left to buy but I'm at a loss. I want to find a "Precious Moments" statue for my therapist but I can't decide between one that's cute but doesn't really say much or one that might make her laugh. I'll let you know what I choose.
my mother is being...that way that she gets. the first thing she said to me when i came home after work was something about the house or the dog that didn't concern me. i went on with what i was doing and everything was fine untill ten minutes later when i returned for my rice she asked how it was the night before with me putting the dog to bed. i told her frankly but without any kind of suggestive tone that i ended up going to bed a half our later because of him being difficult. now keep in mind that no once did i even suggest that i wouldn't do it again if she asked or that going to bed a half hour later put me out (though it really did) yet she pounced on what seemed to me like a perfectly civil conversation in which i was speaking in full sentences rather than in my usual grunt. i grabbed the bit of food and beckoned the dog to follow, where we hid out for the next three hours. she did the same an hour or so later but i didn't like the idea of meeting her in the dark hallway between our rooms. i've certainly been staying out of her way so i couldn't have caused this. i'm out of my meds since i mailed in new prescriptions so i'd start receiving them in a three-month supply through my insurance company and they said it'd take 14 days to receive them. luckly they called me yesterday and i had a chane to have the order expedited. should receive them today or tomorrow. in the meantime i'm without my lovely sleep meds so cross your fingers i can get some sleep tonight! usually it's no sleep or i wake up four hours later wide awake like i've just had my morning coffee. my sister asked that i come see her apartment, i hope she asks me for this weekend so i can get out of the house and away from my freak mother for a while. does menopause cause moodswings? maybe that's what's got her suddenly lashing out. well, off to bed, i hope.
I stayed in bed most of the weekend, emerging only long enough to shower, run to work, the grocery store, get on my bike and head back to bed. that was my whole weekend. it seems like that's my whole week as well but work lasts 8-9 hours a day, therapy's squeezed in twice a week, and sleep only takes up 1/4th of my day rather than half or more. i wish i lived closer to work so i could sleep more, but that would require that i sleep less and actually leave my house for a change, make phone calls, and meet with people to find an apartment. there are sirens going outside somewhere, an unusual occurance here, and me sitting here with my clip-on book light with the lights off hearing them get closer. even sounds from far off make it sound like they're rallying the trops from east L.A., like our little Sheriff's station has only one available car tonight, the others are too old & rickety to get here in time. how pathetic. i wonder which abusive husband down the street struck his wife this time. a woman out in the street in her night gown talking to a cop while her husband's taken away in cuffs. the false peace of our little town disturbed. the truth comes out where it's least expected, hidden behind thick walls and thick foundation, a pair of sun glasses and hushed whispers at the elementary school's gossiping mother's meething, the first and third wednesday of the month.
in my job we have worksheets for each deposition a reporrter takes with all aspects of the case, law firm, etc. and exact charges to bill for. in my department we also have worksheet backs and invoices (as the job is initially billed to us; we then turn around and bill it to the client). i am at the last stage of the process. i proof the work that's come to me, code invoices to bill the client, and enter reporter commisssions. i am the only one in my department who does this. recently i've had to take on more responsibility and am starting to find myself holding my breath while i sift through the hundered-plus jobs on my desk. not untill all the worksheets are completely taken care of and my desk is clear do i feel like i can stop for a while and take a breath. since i get an average of 30 jobs a day, all with their own set of problems, i find it rare that i get to this point and i think i'm starting to suffocate from lack of oxygen. everyone gives their problems to me to fix, and asks me to cover when they're gone, and has me decide who is assigned what tasks (or risk taking them on myself), and relies on me to keep the department running as smoothly as possible at all times. all this while "conducting all formal training of new personel." of course i have no actual authority except a better understanding of the process, a stronger desire than anyone to make things better, and a no-nonsense attitude when it comes to work quality and employee performance that very few others have, as it is not much rewarded or even encouraged. i drive an hour each way, sometimes taking a three hour lunch to see my therapist, also an hour drive each way. i also have started riding my bike two hours a day from just one, sleeping six hours if i can find the time, and of course all the rudimentary activities required to subsist. i have long fits of depression intermingled with a stress induced, sleep deprived madness that allows me to forget my real problems for a while. i'm eating just enough to survive this circus but coupled with my excessive exercise i'm not sure how much of it actually counts anymore.
I'm so overwhelmed with all of my ex-supervisor's manic controlling that i can't even think straight or hold it together long enough to convice myself not to let it effect me. I'm so exhausted from stalling all of her attempts at taking over. i miss how i felt with steve, when he kissed me (no tongue involved), when he put his arms around me i felt safe. I felt like maybe i wouldn't break as long as he was holding me. of course i was too scared of losing him to tell him to stop when he was going too far and that's what led to the end of our very short relationship. and i can't stop crying about it, week after week, when ever the thought comes to me.
Double click any word on this page for a definition.
Using Firefox? Enable definitions by downloading the extension. Sorry, this feature does not currently work in Opera or Safari.
