Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
I met this guy, the same guy I've mentioned on and off through the years, he asked me out in 2001 and we've been trying to talk to each other ever since. I gave him my number last Monday and he called me straight away. Of course I was at work so I couldn't answer it but he called me again that evening and we talked for three hours. My parents were going out of town and the physical aspect seemed so important to him that I told him we could hang out (or make out rather) Thursday morning before we both had to work. Granted this whole hang out and make out thing isn't something I've ever done. But isn't this a "normal" thing to do? He called me Tuesday at work to tell me how "special" our three hour "conversation" was, though it wasn't filled with much conversational chit chat. He then called me while I was leaving work that evening so I had him call me later. We talked more about getting together Thursday, or he did and what he wanted to "do." The next morning I was driving to work and my phone rang. I couldn't get to it in time so I checked the message. It was him saying his work schedule had changed and could we get together that evening rather than Thursday evening. I called him back and tried to find a reason for him not to come because I still had a lot of things to tell him, but it was useless. He came over and we fooled around and he seemed to really enjoy himself...Isn't it human nature to want this? He spent a lot of time telling me things I wasn't interested in hearing, or even paying attention to (you're so sexy, your so beautiful, i'm so lucky to have you, blah blah blah). I told him the stuff about my past that I thought he needed to hear and he thought he'd console me by getting more physical...He left late and I went to bed around 2:00am feeling rather...confused about the whole evening. We still had our plans to hang out Thursday morning so I had to get up at 5:30am and shower and ready for work before he got there at 7:00am. It was the same old stuff, he wanted to stay while I curled my hair which was odd. Then he left, me still a little confused but what's new? He wanted to come over that evening. I saw my therapist and told her I had done everything she warned me not to and how I was feeling about the whole thing. There were tears, lots of them, and I'm finding new respect for a future as "the cat lady." Guys suck, and this one especially was a jerk. He was immature and didn't understand the first thing about what I wanted, or else didn't care. I went home and he was going to call before he came up so I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship. He asked if I had taken my pills that day and after some other insulting remarks I hung up on him. Maybe I could just live vicariously through my friends' relationships and marriages and live happily alone with my cat. There's so much I didn't get to do last week because this guy was calling and NEEDING me to be here instead of there, and this way instead of that. My days seemed so empty when I went to work, talked to him, and went back to work. I couldn't do my exercises, write, read, listen to music, or go out and do the things I wanted to do. I guess I won't write off a relationship permanently, but for now I'm definitely puting it out of my mind.
I'm trying! Apache is installed and running smoothly, I've started using it for image storage but my FTP won't connect to the HostOnce servers for this to take effect. I'm working on installing an FTP server but I'm not going to let that take up so much of my time. I really did want to make updates to this site. I'm hugely enjoying myself though, I showed my parents the Apache server placeholder last night and they had no idea what was so exciting about it. I've since removed it but here's the URL http://av1.servehttp.com. Of course this means updates take effect immediately rather than once I can get HostOnce to accept FTP logon requests which sometimes takes days. Never use them. In fact if you're looking for a good host, try --link removed--. They're really great (i was lying). Anyhow, work's been really hard. I had to negotiate a 30% raise in August to convince myself it was worth staying and to convince the office manager that I was going to leave if I didn't get it and she knows the department would fall apart if I left. The only other person there who knows the department is leaving December 1st on maternity leave and there are two new people for us to train before she leaves. Then, our quality control person is pregnant as well and will be leaving next April. Our Production person left last April, a job for which we only just found someone (she'll be starting October 4th), and my supervisor moved to Arizona to work remotely last June which has been a disaster. It's really been a mess and all the extra work tends to fall on me because of the position I am in the line of job processing, my "fearless" attitude toward computers, and the position of my desk in the office. Somehow, these factors force all the work to end up in piles on my desk. And on top of it, my very outspoken (and rude) coworker is telling people that I don't ever eat and that I like to starve myself. I don't know what she knows or really thinks but I'm skinny and she's not and it seems to be a cause for argument whenever we have parties. Especially since this whole Mary Kate Olson thing, everyone's been much more apt to look for someone to call anorexic. Someone brought in magazines about it when it all started to come out and it's been this way ever since. News and gossip travels quickly in that office. There are only 35 or so people there and all be 3 are women.
So I'm back a little more active online, I'd like to put out all of the updates I want to make but considering this is the first thing I've done here in three days (which I don't even have time to be doing right now) that wouldn't be fair. I'm having problems with my Apache server at the moment so it's taking up the little free time I have. Three days ago it was working fine and now it's about died, I should stop trying. Ultimately, my hope is to move this site to my personal server since that would require less effort on my part and leave more time to actually work on the site itself. I have a new quote from Twilight of the Idols but I'll have to add it tomorrow or the next day. I need to go do my exercises. And Under My Skin (AV) will be finished, no doubt about that but I'm only to song #8. I'll go upload what I have in case anyone's waiting for it. I'll be back on tomorrow.
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