Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
Well, I worked up the nerve to talk to my supervisor today, whom I work with on an hourly basis...or more, about the fact that she's moving away and leaving us. In fact the only other person I like in the office, who I can talk to that is, is leaving all together. There wasn't even anyone at my level to talk to about this crappy situation. Anyhow, I guess I looked out of it or something so she asked if I slept this weekend. She's knows I don't sleep. And after I said, "Yes actually," she said she didn't from moving furnature this weekend and then she was taken off hold with the person she was on the phone with, the reason I went over there, so that was that. But when I got back to my desk I decided that was my only chance to say something so I did. I asked if we were going to have a meeting about her moving (She'll be telecommuting from Arizona--we're in L.A.). I don't remember if she said we were or not as a department but she asked if I wanted to have a meeting, just her and me. Of course I said I don't care. So she asked if I wanted to do it know. And again with "I don't care." So we went in the small conference room and I told her I was concerned, that I didn't want to move to the area the billing department is in because I don't like all the gossip that goes on over there and she said she doesn't either and that I didn't have to move. She'd talk to the Billing Supervisor, let him know I preferred not to take the desk he was offering me. She also assured me that he'd only be my supervisor in the sense that I'd go to him for vacation time, timecards, and working weekends. She also assured me that the owner of the company wants to do everything they can to make this telecommuting thing successful. We'll be connected with all the necessary technology. She also said that I don't have anything to worry about because I've been doing a really great job. She left early today so I sat down at her desk and started working on creating a PDF Affiliate Worksheet for reporters to fill out online...so we can really truely become paperless. I only got about 1/3 of the way done but I think she's going to be really pleased. She's so great about giving me credit for projects like this, and letting the office manager know about them. She gets crabby some days and we all get worked up over it, but there's definitely more good than bad. I really do think this was the best thing that could have happened at this particular time in my life. Now if only I could figure out how to eat...and not cut *wink*
how much food isn't too much food for someone who has a desk job and too much fear to attend an exercise class or even leave the house to go for a walk? not everyone can eat 2000 calories and not gain weight. some people just need less food than others. I've never been stable at a "healthy" weight. I'm always over weight or under. I'm going to see a facialist in about a month. at least that will solve one of my problems. aside from my weight, my skin is next on my list of things that makes me most uncomfortable. my mother has no respect for other people. she gets in your way and says "excuse you" and when she does something wrong and you confront her about it she says "oh well." I so need my own place.
There's a guy who works in the same building as me who thinks I'm "gorgeous". All I can think is that he saw me from a far...and he needs glasses. He spent about two weeks calling up a friend of his, a girl I work with, asking her to tell me things and ask me things and to call him. I've never seen this guy, or met him. I know he's tall and black, Christian, and very shy. Given that I'm a firm believer that religion's all in your head, I think that's a good sign that we weren't made for each other. On top of that, he wants me to call him, even though he's the one who's obsessed, and I've never even seen him. He says I smiled at him but I smile at everyone, it's a polite thing to do. He's afraid I won't like him and I'm afraid he won't like me so here we are. I need someone who's a talker anyhow, because regardless of how comfortable I get, I never talk more than I do when I first meet someone. Which is very little. I'm not chatty. There just aren't many thoughts in my head. I wanted to cut yesterday with the news of a supervisor "adjustment" at work. I wanted to cut today because my mother talked about my therapist like she wasn't responsible. And I want to cut now for the principle of it. My therapist made an effort to take everything I had that was sharp but the other day I found something, in a place I never would have thought to look. It's calling me. I can hear it.
everybody's laughing. whether it's in my head or not i'm not sure but i hear it. my body has that feeling again of being eaten away from the inside. i have energy and then i eat and it goes away. i take diet pills to feel like i'm compensating for the food i have to eat but right now no food is good food no matter what i tell myself or what i take. my jeans look several sizes too big but i know what they cover up and it's not okay. they don't hide it. baggy clothes make me look large and clothes that fit show off that i can't wear a smaller size. feeling this way is the only constant in my life. no matter where you go, there you are i guess. maybe not being anywhere is best.
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