Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
July 15, 2003 (1:36am) uuuugggghhhhh I want my vicodin back. Feeling spacey and unconsciously not being able to sleep is better than being consciously wide awake and tired. And I'm so warn-out tired that I can't do my full workout to make myself sleep. I want to cut, and I want to work out until my limbs fall off. I want to drink until I pass out and I never drink. This orange-carrot crap I'm drinking now just isn't cutting it. But it's the only thing I have without ginseng. I want to take a shower or something, I feel really dirty. F*ck. It feels like it should be like 5am and it's only one. "When we die we go into the arms of those that remember us / We are home now out of our heads out of our minds out of this world out of our time / Are you drowning or waving / I just want you to save me / Should we try to get along / Just try to get along / So we move we change by the speed of the choices that we make and the barriers are all self-made / That's so retrograde / Are you drowning or waving / I just need you to save me / Should we try to get along / Try to get along / I am alive I am awake to the trials and confusion we create / There are times when I feel we're about to break / When there's too much to say / We are home now out of our heads out of our minds / Out of this world out of this time / Out of this time / Out of this time"
July 14, 2003 (2:43am) I'm never going to like the way I look, I'm always going to be afraid of people, nothing's ever gonna change. What's the point in trying so hard to be healthy when all it'll return to me is hating myself longer. I wish the sun wouldn't come up, I wish I could sit here in the dark alone, I want to waste away until there's nothing left to hate. I'll do it silently I promise. No one has to know. Would 8 vicodin put me out for the day or for forever? I don't want to be here. No one has to know.
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