Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
something deep inside of me
is saying, "please, come talk to me"
it knows how lonely lonely gets
it knows a lifetime of regrets
it knows a sadness deep within
describe? i could not begin.
i have no explanation for the things that i feel.
i have this ailment which no one can heal.
i must just talk, but what about?
confrontation, i could do without
but i am all alone in this, i live it day to day
i hide it from my family and myself in a way.
i smile and laugh when the time is right
but that will just not do tonight
i need a friend who understands
someone to talk and hold a hand
to walk me through this darkened place
who can put a real smile on my face.
such resistance in my mind,
that smile is getting harder to find.
just take that rage and set it free;
think of how it used to be:
a razor in the top desk drawer
No clutter on my bedroom floor
that hatred for the human race
my existence as a space case
such ignorance in other rooms
i loved the way that darkness looms
no words for what was wrong with me
i let my imagination run free
i always had a word to the wise
i dreamed of being a smaller size
i dreaded going home each day
i would bleed my struggles away.
such happy memories come to mind
when all i knew where hopelessly blind.
i dream of returning to that place,
but no one sees it on my face.
One month and two days of sobriety.
Oh the things that make me bleed.
A half empty cup of empathy,
a half filled cup of sorrow.
A bowl of no tomorrows.
And on the other hand,
a shot glass full of some red liquid.
What is it?
Might I dare suggest?
Thick and bloody-bloody red.
Ten seconds of pain and then no more.
What do I hate you for?
You will harm me never more.
Now a bandage hides the wound.
This is our little secret.
Do you swear to keep your promise?
Do you swear?
Pinky swear?
This pain I can no longer bare.
Stop the questions-endless questions.
None answerable.
Do you dare ask another?
I double dare you mother.
Ask another.
Such serenity to the naked eye.
Deep down inside I live a lie.
Some days I hope to die.
I will not shed a tear and cry.
Solitary in this void.
So alone and sad.
Eternally grand.
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