Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes.
hell has gripped me
it's pulling me in
this life i live
has courage locked within
insomnia has taken over
sleep is just a dream
a day dream hours long
it tears away my seams.
i'm falling apart
piece by piece
order i cannot keep
i fear a paper's crease
i control not my pain
i promise you so
and if i break that promise
you will surely know
sometimes it hurts to smile
it never hurts to frown
i fear my judgment
so black is my gown.
i am not the person i used to be
so happy and full of life
i have not the strength
to face the day's great strife.
pain is all i feel inside
i have no place to run and hide
in only you can i confide
to only you have i lied
i fear the world and all it holds
i broke and threw away your molds
i have hidden between the folds
my mind feels tired and old
i fear help will arrive too late
that i have selfishly awaited my fate
i don't recall the last meal i ate
or if i cleaned my plate
my wrist i carefully slice
this is my one true vice
i fear the presence of mice
gnawing away my heart of ice.
it's not the blood that makes me cut
it's not that i'm a total nut
it's not the pain of cutting through
that makes me want to worry you
i'm not quite sure i know myself
i know it's not that little elf
telling me to draw the blood
and pour the sorrow like a flood
sometimes i worry about me
but then i begin to see
that i cut to be unique
trying to change my mind's physique
searching for my independence
changing to prevent your presence
within my heart, body, soul
i will finally become whole.
suicide was on my mind today
there's nothing anyone can say
to make me think of other things
i pray to god to give me wings
to take me to the sky so high
out of this life i want to fly
i'd rather sit in Hell and fry
than go on living endless fears
with pleas that no one hears
with dreams unsupported
and hopes unreported
no longer can i see a future
my heart needs a bandage
my mind needs repair
i've lost all grip of reality
my lungs no longer take in air.
an anxiety ridden mind it is
pretty bright but not a wiz
full of anger, hatred, guilt
a tower of courage I have built
it rises tall but sits so thin
one wrong move and I begin
to lose my mind and courage full
there goes that last light of control
my family must not count on me
i won't count on myself you see
my mind is but a tangled web
the seas of life no longer ebb
my thoughts are filled with empty pain
on my heart my mind does rain
human folly reigns in me
i am not who you think you see.
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