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Home arrow Words arrow 2000 arrow December arrow no understanding
no understanding Print E-mail
Written by Diana, on 08-12-2000 00:13
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Sometimes I wonder if they really understand what we go through-the different tools we use to tear ourselves apart. I do it to keep my mind from racing. It races so far down into Hell and I just want to slit my wrists. Why do you do it? Sometimes I wonder if even my therapist understands. She had this perfect life. She can't relate to me. She's never cut herself just to make sure blood's still flowing through her veins. I can tell sometimes that she has no idea what I'm going through. My one friend told me yesterday that I should go on a road trip with my friends over my five week winter break. I couldn't bare to tell her that she is my only friend. I lied and told her my friends from college all live on the east coast. Whenever I tell my therapist how bad things get, I'm afraid I sound fake because to my ears I sound like I'm dramatizing the whole situation. I read other websites and some sound sincere and truthful and others sound needy--painfully begging for attention. I wonder how I sound to all of you. I try to convey my feelings to you all in such a way as to help you not feel so alone. But can you do this for me? I found a site the other day that knew exactly how I felt. It knew my pains and my worries. It makes me smile when I read it--a monumental event in itself. I want to commend its creator for his/her work. But I can't do that. It is part of my disorder. My eternal isolation.

Last update: 28-11-2006 22:35

Published in : Words, 2000, December

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