|
"seems too quiet, not caring" |
|
|
| Written by Diana, on 15-11-2002 20:44 |
| Views |
110  |
|
|
|
November 15, 2002-2 (7:44pm)
Today I sat in group, waited semi-patiently for my turn to check in. And when I talked it was, once again, the intern who asked me if I had cut, not the facilitator. And I couldn't say it, with fifteen other people in the room listening to every word I said, and the fucking deaf facilitator I had to repeat every damn word I said at least once. I was so afraid that my whole body was shaking, it still is almost 12 hours later. A friend of mine told me to go with her outside while she smoked. Everyone kept coming up to me and telling me in their own interesting ways that it'll be okay. I sat with my friend and she tried to get me to talk and stop shaking and it was just awful. Then the facilitator had us do this thing where we put our name on an index card and passed it around the room and everyone had to write something nice about each person. Someone wrote on mine, among all the very kind notes, that I "seemed too quite, not caring." Just what I needed. When I was leaving my pdoc's sidekick was there so I had to wait, he was on the phone. Apparently they told him right away and he wanted to put me back in the hospital, he didn't know that I cut, he thought this was a first time thing. Luckly he called my pdoc and he said "she does that, don't put her in the hospital if she doesn't want to go." So he repeatedly told me to tell him if I change my mind today. That's when I went to my therapist's office where she told me I'll probably be back in the hospital by the end of the week. I don't cry when I'm alone, it just doesn't seem necessary, but I won't cry in front of people. I sat in front of my therapist today and used everything I had to keep from crying. Now all this just doesn't seem important enough to waste tears on. I'm shaking so bad because I know what I did was wrong yet I have to tell certain people before I can calm down. I just want to sleep. Things are always better in the morning.
Last update: 15-11-2002 20:44
Users' Comments (0) 
|
|
|
