| Written by Diana, on 04-11-2002 20:01 |
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November 4, 2002 (7:01pm)
So, i'm too overwhelmed with news to actually write it all down. Basically I read my parents "The Letter" and after being serious for a day or so, they told me insurance wouldn't pay for an inpatient program. Suddenly it's all a joke to them again. That was almost two weeks ago. Now I'm just hangin' low at the same partial program I've been at for the past five months, I've grown to know more about how the program functions than the people running it. It's pathetic. Besides, the crap I'm willing to talk about in group has all...discipated to some degree. I'm eating...it's been one week. As of last night I'm starting to panic. I'm convinced I'm gaining weight and will continue to do so unless...well unless I stop eating. So right now, eating isn't a "normal human behavior" like it was last week, it's now agony to continue eating like this. Lets hope that fades quickly. I'm alone this week, my parents are away on vacation, and it's been uncomfortably pleasant. I was in a fabulous mood yesterday, my first full day alone. And now it's Monday...and I'm alone. It would be absolutely ideal if my days were filled with...people, and talking, and listening because I actually cared. But partial's just getting old. I got to see my therapist which was good but it was first thing this morning and I won't see her again until Friday noon. It's going to be a long week. I come home and I sit, and I wait, for something more inspiring to come along. I average about two hours of sleep during the day, and surprisingly, I've gotten sick of the sound of the television in the background. I get about two hours of meaningful conversation on the days I don't have therapy. I want to eat. I just...want to eat. I don't even want sweets, a steaming hot artichoke would do nicely. My whole body hurts. Just keeping my arms raised heigh enough to type is painfully difficult. I've managed to arrange my legs to where my arms can rest comfortably on my knees and still be at the right level to type. To the unknowing it would look like I'm terribly lazy. I think I'd prefer it if that were true. I wonder how long I'll have to eat to be able to use my muscles without also experiencing burning pain. And to think, this "sideffect" meant I was doing well.
Last update: 04-11-2002 20:01
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