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a little reassuring...but just a little |
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| Written by Diana, on 07-10-2002 01:02 |
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October 7, 2002 (12:02am)
I feel like I'm hiding this huge secret from my mother, like I'm conspiring against her, like I have this unwavering plan for destruction. When all it really is is a plan to...attempt to recover. She was talking about Christmas and my birthday today, like I'd actually be here to celebrate. "Maybe we should get you a new digital camera...?" As if I didn't already have a perfectly good one sitting in my room...that I payed for myself. I get sick of them wanting to buy me things that I don't have any use for, like the new computer they wanted to buy me just because mine was giving me trouble. I get bored when my computer works without a hitch. I mean where's the fun in that? So I'm off to an Eating Disorder Treatment Center thingy come December, I still don't know where and I haven't told my parents. My only concerns are what kind of hell I'm putting myself in at one of these places, and the people I won't have contact with while I'm there. First and foremost my best friend, I won't be able to talk to him for at least a month. I'm not sure what's going to happen with my therapist, it sounds like I'll be in contact with her even the first month when I'm not allowed outside contact. That's a little reassuring. But just a little. All in all I have my fears about going but I also feel like it will be okay after a time. I'll get used to it, I'll adapt. And then the length of my stay starts to scare me again and I start wondering what it takes to get kicked out.
Last update: 07-10-2002 01:02
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