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healthy happy emotionally stable human being |
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| Written by Diana, on 10-09-2002 21:38 |
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September 10, 2002 (8:38pm)
Well, the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter. I found out about a great training program to be a Certified Network Administrator and the entire program (11 courses) spans only five months. The first class in the course is from 9-5 Saturday and Sunday for two weeks, or 40 hours of class. This is absolutely without a doubt exactly what I've been looking for. Average entry level positions with this certification is $20.95/hour. I'm really going to try to not get too excited until this is actually working out. I mean I could start now and finish in my own time. It's perfect. I wouldn't have to go anywhere near a school campus to do it. And now with the understanding that I will probably be going to a program in December, I can take a break and resume classes when I return home. So, positives of going to a program are: I won't have to attend Christmas or my birthday, it's about time I take the next step here and try to recover, I'll have a month without any contact with my parents and it's unclear after that, and this may help prepare me for moving out of this crackhouse I'm living in. Negatives of going are: I'll have to explain to my family why I'm not at Christmas for the second year in a row and as of right now they don't know anything about what's going on with me, I'll also have to deal with the consequences of them knowing, there are the never ending fears I have about going in the first place that are too numerous to list, and my biggest worry of all is that I won't be able to have contact with the support system I've formed which is all I have in the world. A month is a long time to be without that and several months, I'm not sure I can do that. That's really the biggest concern I have. Of course failure is also an issue. I'm afraid of failing, of gaining weight or never losing any more weight, of coming back and returning to the behaviors that keep me in this place, of my parents resenting me for "spending their money" and not coming out the other end a healthy happy emotionally stable human being who's forever greatful that they've done this for me. Here I am planning out how I'm going to move away as soon as possible and never return. I want a life. And as long as I'm sitting here, in my parents' house, monetarily dependent upon them, going nowhere, I'm never going to have a life. I just want something better and sitting here contemplating my worthless existence is only making that harder. I'm concerned about my lizard, Boomer, what will happen while I'm away. He's not exactly the cute and cuddly pet my mother's used to taking care of, and I'm the only one who's willing to take him out for some exercise. Otherwise he just sits there, looking depressed, pacing back and forth until I come home to let him out. Maybe I should start looking for someone to take him, when I move away I won't be able to keep him anyhow. Lizards aren't exactly great travel companions. I was told yesterday that I have a great figure. I don't know what they were looking at but it sure as hell couldn't have been me.
Last update: 10-09-2002 21:38
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