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advice that's a little more profound |
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| Written by Diana, on 28-08-2002 19:38 |
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August 28, 2002 (6:38pm)
As requested, I'm making chocolate chip cookies with walnuts for tomorrow's "going away" thing at partial. I replaced the chocolate chips with chunks of bittersweet (Italian) chocolate and I'm more than a little concerned there's more chocolate and walnuts than dough. Not that I think anyone would object, but as always I'm seeking perfection--the "perfect" cookie. The funny thing is, I don't plan to eat any of them. Of course I'll have my guinea pig here at the house taste one before I serve them to the group. I promised this little old lady I'd make half without walnuts (she's allergic) and she called me "sweet, kind, thoughtful, beautiful...and for women that's a good thing." ...*scratches head* I don't believe I've told her my "agenda" for being...thin, so I'm not sure what she meant by that. I got my one on one lecture from her today, apparently I made her mad because I appeared "proud" yesterday when I told the facilitator that I exercise to lose weight and got a "come again??" look all around. Hey, they asked me, I wasn't about to sit in group and lie. Apparently, my reasons for sticking around aren't good enough and this woman, who's not too stable herself, knows best. With the exception of...well, actually everyone seems to like me okay now. Everyone seems comfortable asking me the most personal questions and telling me the most intimate details of their lives, things they've never told anyone else. I don't know if I just appear trustworthy or if I'm just stupid enough to stick around when these people start talking. The only problem I have with this is that I feel I should have advice that's a little more profound than "That's awful, I'm so sorry." What else can I say, I'm not a licensed psychologist with years of one on one therapy, with knowledge of medications and diagnoses and recovery procedures. I'm not experienced in the psychology of family dynamics or interpersonal relationships. I only know me, what I would do, what I've learned, and what I know to be true. I don't think I have sufficient experience and knowledge to provide more than an ear to listen with. I can nod my head and make empathetic comments, ask questions showing I'm listening and interested, and validate their feelings. I don't know how much help I can be. Treat the old folks like children, the teenagers like adults, and the adults like brilliant, slightly superior comrades even if they're not. Be the leader of the group with the group needs a voice, serve as buffer between stodgy facilitators and hot-headed group members, and always be kind and courteous. Finally, pay attention to everything, know how things are run, group procedure, and every story that's ever been told whether it's interesting or not. When people who feel alone think you truly care, it'll be difficult for them to find reasons not to like you. I guess it also comes in handy when you want to feel something, when you want to care, but you don't know how or you're numb. If you watch how others react, the act of caring can become a learned trait, and a valuable one at that.
Last update: 28-08-2002 19:38
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