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in an "i have to rule the world" sort of way |
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| Written by Diana, on 25-08-2002 13:12 |
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August 25, 2002 (12:12pm)
I hate weekends. I spend them exhausted, in full b/p mode, and bored out of my mind. During the week I'm hyped up on endless adrenaline, in full ana mode, relishing any time I get to...do nothing. It's like I go full circle in minutes. Friday afternoon from happy to sad and Monday morning back again. Of course I sometimes prefer the saddened weekends when I'm not constantly reminded of my shortcomings. I was gonna study physics at Occidental, become a brilliant engineer at Caltech, and become the first female to run the control room at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. I was gonna be great at something and there was no doubt in my mind that I'd accomplish it. I was going to conquer the world, nothing less. And somehow, I was on my way, and no one seemed to notice how unrealistic my plan was. I had no room in my plans for relationships of any sort, and my family was slowly being removed from the equation. For a long time I even had planned to be on the United States Equestrian Team, go to the olympics, be an incredible painter and poet, to write a novel, get a PhD, learn Latin and German, be great at anything and everything I set my mind to. I would wear myself out thinking up the things I HAD to accomplish before I'd be worth anything. These days I wear myself out thinking about waking up in the morning. I still believe I have to be great to be worth anything, but not necessarily great in a Napoleonic "I have to rule the world" sort of way. Greatness comes in many forms, I just have to find one that's within my reach.
Last update: 25-08-2002 13:12
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