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even walls of steel crumble |
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| Written by Diana, on 15-05-2002 02:19 |
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August 15, 2002 (1:19am)
Even though the support is there, in fact it's borderline excessive, I still have a sickening feeling I'm gonna end up in an eating disorder program before the year is out. I didn't eat today, not even my usual four grapes and it was simple. Physically, my body thrives on pain so hunger only feeds into it. Mentally, the only hurdle was always will be the prospect of letting down a select few. I suppose the spectator cheering me on is my desire, though not concrete, to slowly waste away. There are rational ideas that work like positive life-supporting affirmations in my head. There are also irrational ideas, some coupled with rational ones and some not. There is the thought that starvation brings with it peace (irrational, or so I'm told). It's hard to fight the thoughts you've conditioned yourself to believe are true. Years of being left alone to find comfort in your surroundings can become a dangerous obsession. Even walls of steel crumble trying to hold emptiness in.
Last update: 15-05-2002 02:19
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