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a terrible person who's done terrible things |
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| Written by Diana, on 12-08-2002 13:42 |
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August 12, 2002-3 (12:42pm)
Is it a bad thing to eat because you feel guilty then when you come to your senses afterwards, to pop some laxies and dieuretics? I thought so. I feel REALLY bad, and I never feel bad about not eating. I feel like a terrible person who's done terrible things, who doesn't deserve the clothes on her back, the crumbs of food and pills in her stomach, the ground she stands on. And as much as I wish I could take it all back, as much as I wish I could choose life over honor, I'm terrified of being well, of seeking health. Believe me when I say I want normalcy, I'm just afraid to walk down the path leading there because what if I should stumble along the way? What then? What if I should fall, break a bone, tear a muscle, be forever blinded by the sun, be guaranteed I'll never reach my target? What if I'm forced to return here after seeing something better? How could I ever face myself again? Wouldn't it be safter to stay right here, foregoing truth, to never fall again, to disappoint the souls that wish me well? I only wish I could see it the other way.
Last update: 12-08-2002 13:42
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