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me and my liquid bandaged, misleading wrist |
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| Written by Diana, on 12-08-2002 02:18 |
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August 12, 2002 (1:18am)
["...If I don't, I'll die. I know. I want to die, I've had enough...."] It was brought to my attention this evenign that I am doing considerably worse today than I was a year ago. Six months ago I was much less committed to staying sick and have gotten progressively worse as the year trudged on. I've got about two days worth of medication left and if I don't take it down tomorrow, it won't be ready in time and the seemingly immediate effect a couple of these drugs have on me could possibly be what's keeping me afloat. I don't know why the fear of not having that hasn't gotten me in the car and down to the pharmacy to keep the supply flowing...but it hasn't. Regret is a horrible emotion that can bring you to your knees (and as I'm writing this out, pencil to paper, I'm noticing my hand is qute off today. Three e's in "keep" three humps in the m in "I'm" just now. Quite an unsteady hand at best. Why so sudden a change I wonder?) I seem, but do not feel, quite drunk this evening and I've not had a single drink. And with that, I think I and my stinging, open-wounded, liquid bandaged, misleading wrist ought to head off to bed. I suppose my stinging, skinless knuckle chould come along as well. We'be got a long day at the hospital in a few hours.
Last update: 12-08-2002 02:18
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