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Words 2001 Words, April 2001 suicidal and homicidal | suicidal and homicidal |
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I sit here and wonder why the world spins without me. Dreams of inconceivable success and fame are at my fingertips. My mother, who refuses to just let me be this person I have become is just a phone call away. Too close. She stretches out my chances for hope until the fibers begin to snap one by one. I wish to be so much more than she could ever dream of being. She would rather get her money than allow me to gain the knowledge I so fervently desire. "Talk to your father this weekend" she says. That's too far away. Today is today and tomorrow...well I hope it never comes. This weekend is an eternity. She strips me of the happiness I have worked so hard for and deserve. It came...and now it's all gone. That happiness was something I can never get back. I hate her for that. She's stolen my life away. Now I too let life drain out of me. Maybe since I don't have the courage to take my own life, life will take itself. What's the use of all this flesh. Why must it be so fine. I have chosen to let it go. I no longer have any use for it. I have been given a one and only chance to get certified in java programming but my mother sees it as money gone to waste. I wish to run a knife across her throat and see how much she enjoys the pain. No one understands the pain in my heart. I am suicidal. I am homicidal. I am alone. No one even wants to understand how much it hurts inside. I'd ask for help but I'm not sure I want it. I just want it to be over. And I want it to hurt my mother so much that she takes her own life. Then and only then, will she feel the immense pain I feel. Last update: 18-04-2001 22:39
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