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low-cal disgustingly tasteless foods |
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| Written by Diana, on 01-08-2002 22:33 |
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August 1, 2002-4 (9:33pm)
falderal, my new favorite word. it means mere nonsense. how am i gonna work fear into my head, enough fear to make me fight to live rather than fight to very slowly die? Even my pulse dropping to 57 the other day didn't drill it into my head that maybe i'm in danger of doing some serious damage here. and even now, this tightness in my chest from too much caffeine, almost no food, just has me in some minor discomfort, craving for a bite of food minutes before i go to sleep. for bingeing's sake i'll be giving in this time. some nurishment now saves me from over-indulgence later. i wasn't aware my energy was so far in the negative, i would have eaten earlier. i jumped up and hurried to the kitchen at the sound of water boiling over and my legs were begging me to sit back down. i have to go to partial tomorrow, hopefully i'll feel inclined to sit down with everyone and eat something. i've become uncomfortably tolerant of low-cal disgustingly tasteless foods. how do i find tolerance for things like pain when i can't find that same tolerance for getting better? why is pain more desireable? at least i know there's something terribly wrong in my head. it's a start i guess.
Last update: 01-08-2002 22:33
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