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god, grant me the serenity to accept... |
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| Written by Diana, on 29-07-2002 17:27 |
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July 29, 2002-3 (4:27pm)
last thursday i turned in my serenity prayer worksheet to the dual facilitator with a note asking him not to discuss it in group. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change (that I was raped), the strength to change the things I can (my feelings towards it), and the wisdom to know the difference (between false blame I place on myself and the feelings I deserve to have)." He's been so kind about it. Today this one guy (we'll call him Bob) threw his arms around me, gave me his cell number because it was his last day, and because his arms were still tightly around me, i didn't hear a word of what he said next, and I couldn't get him to let go. when he finally did, this woman (we'll call her Jill) said to Bob, "She let you hug her??" and I said "well he didn't ask." I must have had a look on my face because while i was still gathering my things after everyone left, the facilitator said "Are you okay?" It took me a minute but I said "Yeah, I'm okay."..."Are you sure?" and I just repeated "Yeah, I'm okay." and walked out the door with Jill. Truth of the matter is, I wasn't okay. After lunch, Bob gave me some reather unpleasant news and then my therapist assured me it was true which only made Bob's "good-bye" more frightening because I wasn't expecting it (he grabbed me from behind) and because he wouldn't let go. Hearing from my therapist that this is serious, my eating disorder, and finding out why others see it all as so terrible make it sound a little more serious. I still feel like I should weigh 90lbs or less for it to merit worry. when my therapist confirmed what Bob had told me, a comment was made about her not wanting me to be afraid there, the truth is I'm afraid everywhere. And I don't know what to do about it. I asked my pdoc's sidekick to increase my prozac, he was all excited taht i knew to have him increase that rather than the others. he also thought i shouldn't be on 6 meds but when i said i had been on 8-9 meds, he said 6 was a nice improvement *wink* I hope my friend comes Wednesday, otherwise I'll have to eat lunch alone. Bob is gone and Jill's trying to work Tuesday and Wednesday. Good luck to her, I think she'll do great.
Last update: 29-07-2002 17:27
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