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my father, mr. indiscreet |
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| Written by Diana, on 28-07-2002 19:27 |
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July 28, 2002-3 (6:52pm)
my mother and sister just went to an alan jackson concert, i'm stuck here alone with my father, mr. indiscreet. all he does is hog the one computer i can update my site on. it's in the center of the house so whenever i go anywhere i have to pass right by him, he sees everything. i want to sit in here and cut despite him, walk around with blood gushing in front of him. if i bled to deatha in the next room he wouldn't notice, or if by the off chance he did, he wouldn't do anything. it's times like this, the only way i'll get through is by being alone, odd as that sounds. but i won't get any time alone until tuesday afternooon or evening. they cut my days back to three days at partial. i'm afraid of those days, i'll have to sit and think. i'm just not cut out for down time. am i destined to feel this badly forever? even meds don't seem to work anymore. i don't want them to be increased or, god forbid, changed, but i'm not sure i can be at a normal functioning level without them. the side-effects are almost bad enough to where this mood doesn't seem so unbearable. i can always go drive around for a while, that usually raises my spirits. at least that lets me know there are possibilities out there, that i'm not confined to this, imprisoned. someday i will be free.
Last update: 28-07-2002 19:27
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