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learning to live with myself again |
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| Written by Diana, on 19-07-2002 23:01 |
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July 19, 2002-4 (10:01pm)
Is it normal to be "paralized by fear" in a traumatic event? I'm suddenly not so sure. I just watched this thing on t.v. about a woman who was kidnapped and at one point she was able to be rational and talk to her kidnapper even when he was attempting rape and she was afraid of being killed. she was lucid the whole time. why am i questioning all of a sudden? Somehow I need to stop all this. Most of the time I can get on without falling to pieces over this. The added fact that I refuse to cry is wearing me out. My ability to feel anything is slowly wearing away. I mean when it comes down to it there are very few things that can bring me to tears. One of which is talking about my nightmares and flashbacks with my therapist because they're the only things keeping me from moving forward, the only things giving me a reason to blame myself for not trying harder to stop it, not telling someone, allowing him to get me in that situation in the first place. But then I think, I never questioned things this badly before, I was learning to live with myself again and now I'm not so sure. Most days I feel sick about what I let happen. How am I ever going to get back to a normal, functioning life? It doesn't seem possible anymore.
Last update: 19-07-2002 23:01
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