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profoundly and irriversibly screwed up |
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| Written by Diana, on 08-07-2002 16:33 |
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July 8, 2002-2 (3:33pm)
there's this sudden sense of impending doom i can't seem to chake. i feel this earge to rush down to the girl's restroom and throw up but there's nothing inside me. somehow i don't think this feeling's gonna go away and it's like the gobie desert in here for all the bodies. and open window might help me breathe easier. all the freshman blame the professor for their inability to take notes. stress is gonna get to me before the work does. even though i talked last week about what was wrong, my weekend went well, and school wasn't bad, i still feel as though i'm dying inside from keeping too many secrets in. i can't decide if people here really care or if they're "just doing their job" because that's the impression i get from the social workers here. i haven't spoken to my therapist in a week, she doesn't know what's going on and i'm afraid to tell her. i have this fear she won't understand how bad i feel and react like i'm just whining. 80% of the time i feel like i'm gonna break down and start crying. i never feel like crying and now i can't get it to go away. there isn't an inch of me that wants to eat today or ever. i've had enough of all these mixed reactions. why do i have to look the part to be believed? what happened to the saying "looks can be deceiving?" the truth of the matter is the test results are in: i'm profoundly and irreversibly screwed up.
Last update: 08-07-2002 16:33
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