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intoxicated from over the counter medication |
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| Written by Diana, on 03-07-2002 08:34 |
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July 3, 2002-2 (7:34am)
I'm wondering now if caffeine induced tremors can be passed off as an exhausted adrenaline high and nothing more. Going to group intoxicated from over the counter medication seems a likely reason to get bumped from the program. It's not like I'm taking fifty doses of valium or codine each day, I'm just taking two or three caffeine pills one day to ensure that I'm alert enough to benefit from processing on certain days. Seems harmless, right? "Just a little anxious" is what I'll say. It's not like it hasn't happened before to every other patient, thoughts racing and ready to crash. Adrenaline has to kick in or I'm out for the count. This probably isn't the best way to prepare for group but seen as I'm even more alert on them, I don't see the benefit of being...too tired to participate. Besides, at some point I need to process my other issues, sharing that I'm having flashbacks again and would rather pass today, seems redundant at this point. Maybe putting it in the back of my mind, not letting it control me, will make them go away. I need to work on their stressors. I want to get opinions on what happened on my mother's birthday, her puting her arms around me so unlike a hug that it felt even worse if that's at all possible, after I explicitly asked her not to. I didn't say anything a month ago but it's knawing at me, and I know next time she or anyone else does it I'm going to make a scene. Not because I want to but because I can't just self distruct anymore and that's what will happen if I don't say anything. I don't know how I'm gonna get through family get togethers without everyone finding out something's wrong. Now how that would be a bad thing, I'm not really sure, I'm sick of keeping secrets but I know I cannot in a million years control their reactions and that scares me more than almost anything else.
Last update: 03-07-2002 08:34
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