| Written by Diana, on 21-02-2003 12:14 |
| Views |
116  |
|
|
|
February 21, 2003 (11:14am)
my head's all tangled and twisted with all that's right and wrong and preferable as opposed to healthy, and since it's been so long since i've been able to think more than one thought at a time, it's all getting mixed up and confused with everything that doesn't matter so much. i've got issues with taking a leap to be happy confused with the way my body looks and the unbearable thought of being rejected because of it. i'm actually capable again of being bored and it's almost as if the fact that i can think again is interfering with the slower speed at which the world can entertain me. i'm physically incapable of doing enough things at once to keep my mind happily working. it's like two years of thoughts i couldn't think, things i couldn't do are coming out and there's almost an overload. I'd never sleep again to make up for it except feeling badly, for once in my life, is an uncomfortable feeling. and the benefits of twenty-four hour stimulation on my brain, of the things i'd get accomplished, no longer outweigh exhaustion. it's too bad though, there's so much that's been muted, so much time that could have been spent creating things. i think that i'm actually feeling things again, it's more confusing than the overflow of thoughts in my head. i've been so numb for so many years, even when i was writing angry words I didn't feel them. i'm sad for people, and happy for them, things i don't recall ever being. it's hard when you finally start to see the error of your ways. it's not always easy, but in an odd way it's mildly comforting. it's nice to know your thoughts actually parallel reality, even if they don't quite match up. at the same time, it's troubling to think thoughts that don't actually have a place in this world or any other for that matter.
Last update: 21-02-2003 12:14
Users' Comments (0) 
|
|
|
