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i guess i'm kind of in a panic, hopefully it'll pass |
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| Written by Diana, on 28-03-2003 13:44 |
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March 28, 2003 (12:44pm)
I feel bad, all my effort is going into my other website. And no one even goes there. My creativity isn't in my words though, it's in what I can provide to people if they let me host them. Maybe I should give up on that for a while, at least until someone applies. I'm neglecting my writing. I don't have anything to say though. I'm reading this book, called Pencil Dancing, about writing creatively. Specifically, I'm reading the chapters on reaching your inner...creativity. I think I've lost mine. No one in my immediate life seems to care if I eat or not, except my therapist. My health is only important if it's directly effecting how they live their lives. So lets just ignore it, maybe it'll go away. Unfortunately, I think my desire to get better has gone away with it. A Balance Bar here, some UDON noodles or white rice there. Pepsi. Oh well, at least one or two people care. I guess that's enough right? Everyone else seems to think I'm cured, so why aren't I a success at everything else, why aren't I ambitious? I am ambitious, I'm also realistic though. I'm not eating. And my class is getting more difficult because of it. I need to come home and study for my certification tests, instead I come home and sleep, or busy myself with website crap that doesn't need to be done right now. Yesterday, if you don't include the times the dog had me up I got 11hrs of sleep, 10hrs later I was asleep again and got five more hours. I'm exhausted. I want to sleep all weekend long. My body aches because I haven't been taking care of it for so long. I want to go out and have fun with my sister like I used to, get up at the crack of dawn and actually do stuff all day, not sleep. Meds are great, Lexapro, but it's my fault this time, not the depression. I guess I'm kind of in a panic. Hopefully it'll pass.
Last update: 28-03-2003 13:44
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