| Written by Diana, on 29-04-2001 00:13 |
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Being at this place has been...an adventure. I still don't know when I'm leaving but I've been here a week and two days. I've seen people come and go, and I've seen them return. I've made friends and lost them at the same time. I feel as though I will leave this place with nothing more than a story--something to tell my children. I do not though, feel that I have changed in any way. I was forced to find a new way to cope--to harm myself. My source of pain is very visible but not life threatening in any way. They'd have to remove my finger nails to stop me. I now have circles of raw skin--or lack of skin as the case may be--on my knuckles. Once I have done all I can to one, I move on to the next. Michelle noticed what I'm doing but she can't stop me. The nursing staff can't either, though I don't believe they would if they could. I feel wasted in this place, forever idle. My life neither steps forward nor back. I feel as though I have lost a part of myself by coming here. The lithium I now take day and night has consumed my creativity. I no longer have a menacing, wretched thought in my mind and I feel empty without them. I write no poetry, read no books, draw no pictures. I am lost. I still fear the coming of day, as I always have. Location: Las Encinas Hospital.
Last update: 29-04-2001 00:13
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