| Written by Diana, on 31-05-2007 23:00 |
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Well, I've started my Pantothenic Acid (Vitamin B5) regimine. I was only able to manage 7.5g yesterday from twelve pills plus food and other sources. Today though I took all my pills and have managed 10.46g. The .46g from a daily vitamin and foods. The brand I bought, NOW Foods, also has 45mg of calcium so I'm getting my 1000mg of calcium a day without having to take an extra calcium pill which is GREAT. If I take all the pills I have planned out it comes to 31 total so I REALLY don't want to have to take another. I need to get more magnesium and potassium but I'm hardly able to stomach the pills I'm taking now.
My dad wanted to play Cribbage again tonight which I was willing to do but I'm SO EXHAUSTED from lack of sleep and he wanted to play after dinner. I was completely out shortly after eating my dinner at 5:45pm so by the time he had eaten it was just too late. I woke up at 8:30pm just in time to tell them I was going to bed, sorry about cribbage. My Fluidity Bar arrived today but I was too tired to even bring it in the house. It's outside, leaning against the inside of the front/atrium door. It's WAY too heavy to drag in myself.
When I was running errands the other day I felt like I had a fog somewhere between my brain and my eyes. I saw everything but I couldn't process much of it. In my panic I wander...usually to find something I can focus on, even if It's not what I've gone out to buy. At Office Depot I stopped to look at laptops, not because I was really interested but because I couldn't focus on the task at hand and I couldn't just leave because I needed stuff and I was too panicked to come to that conclusion anyhow. When I wander without picking anything up to buy, I'm afraid people might think I'm stealing. I've never stolen in my LIFE but it's a fear that comes over me in my already panicked state. When I get that uncomfortable I'll sometimes pick up something I don't actually need because I can't FOCUS, like I often buy things at the grocery store that I know I won't eat or I really don't WANT (like Donettes). I'll even get into my car to go home (or to the next place) and hardly see what's going on, even though I'm LOOKING. The "fog" makes it difficult for me to react to lights changing and cars appearing out of unexpected places, but it usually takes a few hours alone in my room for that fog to dissipate so that I can go on with my day. I've never quite explained it like that but the other day after Office Depot and CVS/Pharmacy, it was REALLY BAD and I could totally describe it at that moment. However, even being able to describe it didn't make it easier to get out of. When I got home I just wanted to tell everyone I was really stressed out and to leave me alone for a while. I needed to calm down. Unfortunately, when I got home I told my dad I was really stressed out and he's all "why?" and I decided there was no way he'd understand so I opted for a brief overview of the events and then retreated to my room.
Right now I'm not hungry but I don't want to sleep yet, it's only 10:40pm and it's making me want to eat. The only food in the house is, again, oatmeal and soda. I've been able to keep my calories within a range that is healtier, not 3,000 but not 400 either, so I'm not wanting to increase today's intake by resorting to "emotional" eating. I also feel bad that I missed cribbage (despite my feelings towards it) and I don't want my dad to know I'm still awake. Maybe once my lizard's heat lamps go off, any second, I'll be more inclined to sleep. 'Til then, I think I'll go check out
Last update: 25-06-2007 22:48
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