| Written by Diana, on 16-06-2001 02:37 |
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Oh how I hate seeing my psychiatrist. I had an appointment Friday at 6:30pm. I got there right on time if not five minutes early and when I got there, the door was locked. I called the front desk but no one was there and I don't know what kind of car he drives so I couldn't tell if he was there or not. Under the current circumstances it would have been nice if someone had let me know how to get inside after hours. I also have this terrible feeling that my appointment was canceled again and no one called me, I seem to get that a lot, like I don't exist or something. My therapist and I are currently trying to work through my anxiety that comes basically when ever I leave the house--this whole ordeal has caused me to take a step or maybe five backwards. Am I just supposed to read their minds?
I called my mother just before I left and asked her what I should do, though there wasn't much to do. She told me to just come home. I think this office is the most unorganized doctor's office I have ever been to. So anyhow, luckily my sister called me while I was on my way home from my "non-appointment" and we went out to dinner and a movie as soon as I got home. It didn't get my mind off of it but at least it kept me occupied. Now I'm fuming and I can't sleep. I feel like I'm not worth anything to them. I'm not going to cry, I'm NOT going to cry. And father's day is when? This Sunday? God how I don't want to be here. It's so hard. Everyone asks me if I want to get better but how am I supposed to get better when everyone's walking all over me? There are things in my mind that I'm afraid to tell people. I have no trust in anyone in my life. I've found over the years that there is no one in my life who is trustworthy. They all have their faults. Some worse than the others. I'm the only person I can trust. And on top of all that, the one thing that still makes me "happy" is to work on my webpage but the server has been down for a week! I tried switching servers temporarily but the other server is also having issues. So here I am at 1:30 in the morning wondering how I'm supposed to get through until Tuesday when I can finally have someone to talk to who will really listen. When things like this happen (people don't come when they're supposed to, when they're extremely late, when things are cancelled but no one tells me) I feel like my life has no worth. I feel like no one cares about me. Like I'm a thorn in their side. If only they knew how much it hurts me, they'd never do it again.
Last update: 16-06-2001 02:37
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