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the world is definitely a BIGGER and better place |
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| Written by Diana, on 22-12-2005 03:38 |
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5:12pm Yesterday: Letter writing has never been my thing. I don't mean thank-you's & poetic happy birthdays, I mean those "I haven't seen you in years, maybe you've forgotten me or now don't care, but here's my life story for your reading pleasure." I can state facts, draw a timeline of failed goals, but a friendly "update" of sorts, a this is what I've been up to ho 'bout you" doesn't come naturally. I deal in facts & figures, art & fantasy. Being casual, laid back, is something I have to try really hard at. I've written my art teacher every Christmas since I graduated high school but haven't mailed one. what if she's moved? she had planned to retire in 2005. that "doom" feeling keeps popping up in places I don't expect it. i got [to work] around 11:15am this morning and i'm supposed to stay until 8:21pm...on 4 hours sleep, 6 the night before, and none the night before that. i haven't wrapped any of my x-mas gifts. i don't even have them all yet. "brighter than sunshine" I can't eat when there are people in the kitchen with me. i cam in to listen to my music and eat my rice cakes in peace, but now there's another person in here and she's erading the paper so she can even hear this pen running across the paper. my 3 monitors are so inspiring. i just want to design & build & get others to design with me. it's sickening. creating the notepad artistry group was a product of that maddness. 5:34pm end. Currently: obviously I'm not getting much sleep tonight. It's 2:45am and my alarm goes off at 6:30am because I see my therapist in the morning. I feel like shit. I just had to clean my room though, it was running through my blood all day, I had to do it, and I couldn't sleep until I did. Then I found some online issues that I just COULDN'T let go, they were dumb too, now that I've completed them I see that. my right eye literally hurts, like someone's pushing on it. Friday night isn't coming fast enough. Every day has been agony and Friday I have to be at work by 8:30am so that I can leave during the day to get my hair cut and then return to finish my 8 hour day by 8pm. What are the odds of me going to bed at 9pm tomorrow night?? I don't even get home from work until about 8:45pm. I still have to do something with my coworker's gifts before then. I haven't wrapped ANYTHING except a present I need for tomorrow. I hate the holidays and this year is giving me a particularly hard time. All I want is for it to be over. The anticipation of how bad it will be is probably worse than how bad it will turn out to be (i hope). Anyone who passes me in the hallway these days or SPEAKS to me at work, makes me want to crawl into a hole even more than usual. Everyone leave me the fuck alone!!! I'm going to bed.
Last update: 22-12-2005 03:38
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