| Written by Diana, on 30-08-2005 23:15 |
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I've taken five to nine "Fat Cutter" pills and five caffeine pills in the last hour. Should I be worried about what's to come? Just under 1427.5 cals today (couldn't finish my rice). I'm quite afraid. 2 Zone bars, a bag of rice cakes (14 cakes) some rice. I started exercising but my mother's reminder that my cousin's wedding is in a month has me freaked. This girl at work keeps calling me Barbie. Last night I ended up in tears over it and today she called me that, I didn't answer to it or look at her until she didn't walk away. I looked at her and she said "I just wanted to see you smile" (she's a very smiley person and doesn't get why other's wouldn't ALWAYS be smiling like her) and I actually told her I don't like being called Barbie, she said "I thought you liked it" (what the hell would make her think that?? I always ignore her and have once said "i'm ignoring you" when she called me that). That's not my name, I only answer to my name or "nicknames" I've agreed to. Especially not "Barbie," that's just as though she's mocking me, and if I'm okay with that, people would think I'm stuck-up because I'm skinnier then everyone else. I neither like it nor am I stuck-up. I'm not even happy in my thin-ness. There's never anything on TV anymore. I end up on The Science Channel (Discovery) watching NASA search for aliens or Discovery Health watching 16 year-olds get breast implants and nose jobs. I watch the science stuff because it was my major in college. I want to know all the ins and outs of what they talk about, but I want to know EVERYTHING and I want to know it NOW or it's too boring. Therefore, unfortunately, I don't take the time to learn any of it. Going slow just seems so boring. I tried to study my calculus books and I couldn't remember things like e^x which means I'd have to go back to pre-calculus just to brush up, I've forgotten everything in three years. That in itself is depressing. How long does it take to get car license plates? I've had my car two and half months and my plate still hasn't come which means I can't put up my Oxy license plate frame. It should be soon i'd think since I just received a $2.00 refund check because they overcharged me on my tax or licensing for the car. At least it's in the works (and not just sitting on someone's desk somewhere waiting to be processed). I just tried on my SIZE 1 (fitted A line) skirt which I was totally afraid would be tight on me because I've been skinnier before, was actually totally baggy on me. I can't wait until it gets colder so I can wear it with nylons (there's no way I'm showing my legs) to work. I haven't worn a skirt in a year or more, when I discovered my awsome black Zinc "Carlene" twill pants. Unfortunately they don't sell them in black right now, I'm not sure if they will again which would totally suck. I need new ones. They hardly even sell anything in size 3 anymore which is the size I tend to purchase (just in case). Pac Sun (which I used to rely on heavily for my entire wardrobe) doesn't even have anything worth buying these days. I want this wallet though: TILT Star Button Snappy. I have to go to bed in an hour and despite the five caffeine pills, the exercise I've done, and the other pills I took, I [have great] doubt that I've burned any of the calories that I ate today. Yes, life sucks just as much as it sounds like it does. Can you maybe relate to that feeling? *wink* The new design is on it's way (I promise). I even worked on it briefly this evening. It's starting to become a real [functional] site. Hopefully over this three-day weekend I'll get it [at least almost] finished.
Last update: 30-08-2005 23:15
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