| Written by Diana, on 10-07-2001 17:23 |
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So I went to the hospital today to visit my friend. She's leaving at 6:00am tomorrow morning for Arizona and I am in agony over it. She said she could be there up to nine months, which is almost more than I can bare. I am going to miss her so. I felt like a coward not talking to her in all this time but she said she felt the same way--picking up the phone and dialing the first six numbers only to chicken out. I feel better knowing I broke the ice which had grown so thick between us. I got her mailing address in Arizona and she got mine so we can exchange letters. I found out her birthday is the same day as my sister's. It will be very difficult to forget. I feel like jumping up and down--I'm so happy I got to see her.
She's getting skinnier though. Under 100lbs now. It's taken it all out of me. Visiting her was what I needed to do but right now it's hitting me hard. My head feels overloaded. There are no words. I'm Sad that she's leaving. I'm not sure how a long-distance friendship will be. Especially over nine months. I'm afraid she'll end up staying the max--nine months. she's leaving tomorrow morning and the only time I got to spend with her was full of "How's your eating disorder?" She asks "Unfortunately it's not...How's your cutting?" I say. She rolls up her pants to show me the skin above her knees "I've been cutting pretty bad but they're healing over okay," She replies. "Can I write you while you're gone?" "Oh yeah, let me get the address." It went on like that with useless questions and quick as possible answers. Then long awkward silences. I was so uncomfortable there that it made it hard for me to think straight. But I told her of my worries to start with so that they wouldn't be haunting me the whole time, and she also said she was shy and that's why she didn't call me. So that made it a little easier. But my mind was elsewhere, I stupidly asked "So how's it going?" twice in about ten seconds. I was so uncomfortable. Luckily when things got too bad, her pdoc came in and asked me how I was doing (she was my pdoc while my REAL pdoc was out of town), said how sweet it was for me to visit and then she said she didn't mean to end our conversation but I said I couldn't stay long anyways. that's when I said good bye and good luck, then left. I think I would have lost my mind if I had stayed any longer. I wish we could have talked more but it's okay, I'll get over it. I can guarantee it though that I'll be writing her often. We can't talk on the phone because she only gets one phone call a week and I'm glad for her that her father gets to visit every weekend and I have this feeling that her mother won't visit (a plus for her since they're not the best of friends). I have trouble with all of this--sorting this all out in my head. She's not doing well. I'm used to only talking to people online who aren't doing well. I'm not used to actually having a friend in this state. I hope I can help her though. I want to send her things to take her mind off everything. Nine months. Jesus christ that's a long time. I wonder what she plans on doing with her life. Oh well though, she's got a long time before she needs to worry about that. Nine months can seem like an eternity--when I was in the hospital, each day felt like a week and every week felt like a month. Nine months is going to feel like years...I can only imagine.
Last update: 04-12-2006 08:15
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