|
the whole truth and nothing but |
|
|
| Written by Diana, on 11-07-2001 02:08 |
| Views |
121  |
|
|
|
Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe I want all this fuss to be about me. I don't fuss over people. I look into one thing about another person and I almost break into tears. What the fuck is wrong with me. I guess I didn't get the attention I wanted when I first went into the hospital. There's no one to tell. If they know I was in the hospital, they already knew that there was something wrong in the first place. That seemed to come as no surprise. I left a school where I had no friends, and I don't have many "friends" outside of school. I just want someone to notice I guess. That's all I've ever wanted. But then I can't handle it when someone finally finds out. I can't handle the confrontation I get. It's really uncomfortable. I don't like the sympathy I get from those who know. It's just this weird uncomfortable sympathy that I'd rather do without.
Well, maybe no without but...I don't know. I can never decide what I do and don't want. It's all sort of up in the air right now anyhow. I think jealousy plays a big part in my life. I saw the new cuts Noel has made and I'm jealous. All though I have no urges to cut anymore, I still like the scars. I'll sit and just look at them sometimes. I don't like wearing long sleeves anymore. I prefer to just say fuck it and if someone doesn't like it that too fucking bad because I love it. I'm also excruciatingly jealous with her being under 100 now. I wish I was under 100. I'd be thrilled with 99. I'd be worried every day that I'd gain that one pound but I'd be happier in situations that involved "beautiful people." If you know what I mean. In any case, I think my head's just all fucked up. I'm so confused. I only have some sort of an idea of what I want. I mean if you asked me I could come up with something but it wouldn't be the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. There'd be truth in it but--
Last update: 04-12-2006 08:13
Users' Comments (0) 
|
|
|
