| Written by Diana, on 01-02-2005 00:06 |
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"We can go without most things for long periods of time, anything almost, but not our joy, not those handmade red shoes." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I look around and see only things that I've lost in this whole awful period of time. They're all here because I lost myself along the way. I guess I hoped I'd come back to enjoy them. I can't even force myself to pretend anymore. There are no "handmade red shoes." I hate my body, I just want it gone, it's ruined, not worth my time or effort to keep up. I want it to shut down because all it reminds me of is fear and pain. It can't speak if I'm not able to hear it. I want to be outside myself, not shut inside. Even when I do feel enough to cry, I just feel weak, I've let it take over. I just want to FEEL SOMETHING! I don't ever want to wake up, just let go.
Last update: 01-02-2005 00:06
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