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how i stayed alive when my brain was trying to kill me |
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| Written by Diana, on 23-01-2005 22:17 |
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It's been a nightmare. Saturday night I walked out about 9:15pm and went to Borders and stayed there until they closed at midnight. I didn't buy anything but it wasn't for lack of trying. I got home and got online to find what I actually wanted and see if it was in stock in that store. I ended up buying five books online and found four more to buy when I went back today. Online I ordered Telling: A Memoir of Rape and Recovery, Rape, Incest, Battery: Women Writing out the Pain, The Truth About Rape, After Silence: Rape & My Journey Back, and The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-By-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault. Then I found the following to buy at Borders today I Can't Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors, Women Living with Self-Injury, The Body Remembers Casebook: Unifying Methods and Models in the Treatment of Trauma and PTSD, and the only one I've opened so far How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention. I put those four face down on the counter when I went to pay for them with the Maroon 5 CD on top and the guy turned each one over to ring them up and then left them that way until he was done. Of course I probably won't open any of them for a while but I can't open them ever if I don't have them in the first place. I have to see my therapist in the morning and tell her I cut and blah blah blah. I can't even exercise because my whole body hurts for some reason. I bought a new sweater today and my stomach can't be all round when I wear it but I had all this pasta for dinner. I am so depressed I can't even hardly bear it. I wish I could stay in bed and not go to work tomorrow. I've been drinking water all weekend because the calories in soda are freakin' me out. Shit.
Last update: 23-01-2005 22:17
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