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my left sock weighs more than my right |
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| Written by Diana, on 18-12-2004 00:03 |
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So I weighed in, I apparently didn't make weight. I still don't know how much I weigh or if it's double or triple digits. I'm guessing double. She said "You don't have an ass!" when I walked in, maybe not in those words. It was supposed to be funny but shocking. I think she could have told me I looked like a corpse, a ghost, a skeleton or maybe like I was dying and I still probably wouldn't have been shocked or bothered by the comment. Not coming from her, a little annoyed maybe. I want to go back and say wait! but my sweatshirt weighed this much, and my pants, my left sock weighs more than my right (it's newer and isn't missing fuzz at the heel), I'm retaining water because it's THAT TIME OF THE MONTH DAMNIT! You have to subtract x number of pounds and x.x ounces for that weight to be accurate! I promise, I don't weigh that much, I promise I'm not obsessing, I just need it to be right. The weight is just this thing I don't even get to know. If I reached my "target" I'd still look in the mirror and see what I see. A "target" isn't the end, I'm not new at this. Zero's the only number there is and we will never reach it. Even in death our bones have mass, our ashes. I want peace, I want to look in the mirror and not see myself as being excessive and dirty. I want people to stop commenting on how lucky I am to not have gained weight with all the food at work, like it's a thing to be proud of, a strength that I have. It's will power I tell them. It's bull shit. Will power in our case would be to eat lunch like everyone else and then go home and live with ourselves. My co-worker told me today that after the muffin and two cookies she had (along with her normal course of food) she was going to the gym for an hour to work it off. You mean you don't do an hour every night? I do three when I've eaten two cookies and a plain bagel (minus the normal course of food). I chose not to share that with her. She's so loud and tall and full and quite frankly rude and childish and whiney! my god she whines so much about every little thing. There's so much drama and how could she DO THAT?! OH MY GOD!!! I have to talk A BIT LOUDER SO YOU'LL SEE THE DRAMA!! How can she be that loud and not disgust herself? Being loud and large and EXISTENT are such selfish acts. How can she WANT and NEED and be accepted as an adult in society? How can anyone? I'm going to bed. My dad will be home from Brazil tomorrow and I want to give him his Christmas present.
Last update: 18-12-2004 00:03
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