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as round and fleshy as before |
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| Written by Diana, on 04-11-2004 01:37 |
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I rode my bike for two hours tonight, expecting to see my legs shrink before my eyes, but alas, they remain, as round and fleshy as before. I walk around these days at work or at home with layers upon layers wrapped around my legs, covering my arms, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and warm up. But even there I wear a sweatshirt under two comfortors and a fleece blanket. I've almost forgotten what it's like to be warm. I walk into the grocery store for detergent (whoolite for darks as my blacks have turned gray) and clorox wipes (as one can never be too clean) and found myself in the school supplies isle searching for scissors. Much to my surprise i became quite distraut when all they had was a hole punch and tape dispencers. I searched frantically to disprove my findings but it was no use. I'm quite upset about it all, but as much as i want to run and get a kitchen knife or scream until i lose my voice, i'm too tired to even will myself to do these things. I don't think i'd be numb to the pain in any case so it'd be alot of drama for almost no emotional reprieve. i wonder after going out why i try so hard to hide, to save myself from being raped again like i'm really worth all the trouble, like i'm not dead already, like my body's worth saving. if i have to save my body to keep my mind, maybe i should stop wasting my time. my mind's really not worth it.
Last update: 04-11-2004 01:37
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