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struggle struggle struggle |
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| Written by Diana, on 14-07-2001 20:33 |
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I can already feel what it's going to be like when everyone's finally gone. I mean I could always see it coming I just never really thought about what would happen when the time actually came. The more time that goes by, the harder it is to get through the day knowing that in just a few short weeks all of my friends will be gone. Probably for good. I can't believe Noel's gone. That's the loss that hurts the most. A fear I have is that she'll return in nine months a completely different person, no longer struggling with an eating disorder while I struggle to keep it. I think I'll only hurt her by being around her. We only made each other worse in the hospital and I don't think I could in my right mind allow myself to rub off on her. I hope she likes her birthday present. It would mean so much to me to know that it at least made her smile. I want to be "sick" enough to be in the hospital. I know that sounds weird but I'm insanely jealous of Noel. Let's see..what have I eaten today...white rice, watermelon, pepsi, grapes. That's about it. Two mints. I really enjoyed that hungry feeling again. It's been a while since I felt that. Yes, quite a while.
Last update: 04-12-2006 08:09
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