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the way my twisted little mind works |
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| Written by Diana, on 19-06-2002 01:31 |
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Pain. It should mean "stop" shouldn't it? To me it means push harder, you have control, now keep it. I wonder sometimes about how I got this way, what made my mind react this way. There used to be an element of..."my outsides are starting to look the way I feel inside" and had little to do with anything else. But now, and only recently I've noticed this, the fact that it hurts and that I know just how to make it hurt for as long as I want really does it for me. I find myself hiding it less, worrying about scars a little bit less because I'm just not thinking about the look. I don't think about them much at all except how much pain I was in when I did it, whatever I did that time. I can always remember the pain, exactly how intense it was. I mean even the shade of the red my skin (or lack thereof) is, almost directly corresponds to the pain I felt. And an added bonus if it hurts after the fact. Sometimes I love the way my twisted little mind works, and other times...I wish I could trade it in for another.
Last update: 19-06-2002 01:31
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